College Admissions 2026: What Students and Parents Need to Know with Jen Foldvary

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Balancing Act podcast.

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I am Jamie Wanko here with Mr. Joseph Vitale. Hello, Mr. Joe Vitale. How are you?

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That just called me so off guard because, as you know, I am a lover of the show Impractical Jokers.

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And there's a skit with Sal and he's like, where he like says that to people

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like across the thing. It just cracked me up.

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I don't know why. That used to be my cousin when we would go to like a tricky

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tray. if she won that was her like like if she won and it just always cracks

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it's also like when we're when we're on the beach and we're trying to give each

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other's attention we yell i need a phone case.

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Which is the name of our family's group chat with our it's true our joint family

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that's true across the families avery recently needed a new phone case and i

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couldn't say enough I need a new phone case.

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Well, hey, you know what else that you might need?

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You might need to know that our season three is brought to you by our presenting

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sponsor, Teacher's Insurance Plan.

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Check out their website that is tagged in our episode for more information and to get a quote,

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Teacher's Insurance Plan, auto insurance that brings exclusive educator savings

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and exceptional customer care to

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New Jersey and Pennsylvania educational employees. And Jamie, guess what?

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What? I have important information for you right now. Okay, breaking nose. This guy...

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Has officially made the switch. We are now officially part of the teacher's

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insurance plan family of insurance people.

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And you are so correct in that. They are like the Disneyland.

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They're so nice. Everybody. They're so nice. Really, they were so incredibly

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nice. I realize it's an insurance company, but I was very pleased with the customer service.

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And by the way, this is not like a sponsored ad for us. I legitimately was very

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pleased with the customer service, with how attentive they were.

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I'm telling you, I've called multiple times. Yeah. And spoken to lots of different

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people and they are all equally, they really should,

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I don't know that I've ever been like prompted to give like any kind of a review

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or anything, but fives, fives across the board.

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Yeah. And I know that, I mean, I am always in awe of your, of your presence

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for the fact that you have your little commercial and hey, Chris and Emma,

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if you're listening, fire up the script writers.

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Is it awe or jealousy? Let me sing you a song. Hey, jealousy.

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It's absolutely jealousy.

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It's going to happen. It's going to happen. Of course. I mean,

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anytime I get to see your gorgeous husband wearing sleeves, I mean,

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who wouldn't be happy with that?

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The handsomest. I am, you know, I mean, maybe he'll pop up in your commercial.

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That would be amazing. I want him, like, in the window. He'll just lift your car up. Yeah.

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Well, speaking of lifting us up, we had a guest on earlier this season who's

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going to be joining us again. And we're kind of following up with some of the

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college experience stuff that we've had this year.

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So we're really excited to bring our guest in who's been waiting for us patiently.

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So why don't we bring her in while we've been babbling about auto insurance? You all set?

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All set. Yeah. Okay. You bet. Heidi ho, let's go. Heidi ho, let's go. Let's bring her in.

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Okay. Well, hey, J folds. I love your email, by the way.

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It's so, uh, cause it just seems like it's something that's been around for a while.

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Uh, because I've had the same email like forever, like ever since I had an AOL

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account, uh, back in the day.

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Um, but I love the J folds. I love that. It just, I don't know why it just makes

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me happy. Well, hello, J fold, Barry. It's so good to have you back with us.

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Yes so good to have you back it's good to be back it's great

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to see you guys yeah thank you so much for

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joining us and we hear congratulations are in order you have a recent graduate

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yes yes i do yes i do just graduated on sunday last or not the sunday before

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this past sunday so do you have any tips for us how'd you do were you crying

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were you not it was he your fur? Is he your oldest?

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He's my baby. This is it. We're going to be an empty nester.

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We're going to be empty nesters after this.

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Wow. You know, I was just taking it all in. So I didn't cry until like the whole

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night was over and I came home and then I just lost it.

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I think I was too busy like getting caught up in the moment and taking the pictures and all that.

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So, and his graduation parties this coming Sunday. So I think once that is done,

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then it's going to be like final, final. Yeah.

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So, yeah, I don't have any advice. It's just, just have a lot of tissue and just be ready. Got it.

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Um, yeah, we, we, we like have the, you had a little empty nest taste,

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uh, last month, Jane, cause like your kids were on the, uh, the band trip and they were gone.

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Yeah. They went away for five days and it was, um, it was really nice.

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That's great. And Jen, since I have twins and they're graduating and going to

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college in the fall, I will also be in the empty nest boat.

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Yeah, just figuring it all out. Going back to pre-kids. I don't know what we're going to do.

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My wife already told me that by December we will have a third dog.

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And I said no. And she said, well, you could move out then.

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So that's basically what I was told.

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Um so yeah i'll either be surrounded by dogs

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or crazy yeah i know it is crazy um

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so yeah we last time we spoke for those of you who

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didn't listen to the episode with jen definitely go back and check that

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out we were in the throes of like the application process

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and the portals the many portals so many portals uh

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now there are even more portals um where

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like we have to sign in and do all the stuff so um

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you know we definitely want to catch up with you and talk to you about like what

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we've experienced and and basically if you can tell us like is this normal is

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this how it's supposed to go um you know that's what we really want to jump

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into with you today um and also to get your perspective too because you're uh

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is just where's your son headed in the fall if you don't mind me asking.

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He's headed to Wayne State University in Detroit. So he's going into graphic design. He's an artist.

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And he wanted to be in a big city, but he wanted to be a little bit closer to

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home. So it's not even an hour from home, which is kind of nice. Nice.

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So he's excited about it. That's great.

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So we have talked. And in our last episode, Jamie and I talked about where our kids are headed.

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My children are headed both to the College of New Jersey in the fall,

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which I'm excited about for them. Right.

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It's also where my wife and I went. So I have a strong connection to the school,

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but also because I know it's a it's a great academic school.

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It's going to be awesome for them.

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You know, college campus wise, I think it's going to be awesome.

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And Jamie, where's Drew headed again? He's going to Stockton,

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which is about an hour and a half from here.

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So not far and pretty close to where my parents live.

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So about 20 minutes away from his grandparents. So that's, you know,

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that was helpful as well in knowing that he would be there.

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So we're excited about the whole thing was pretty exhausting.

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Yeah, I found it to be exhausting. I thought it was going to be like a like a skosh more exciting.

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And I did find it to be sort of more draining,

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like not as much in the organizational sense, although that did take a bit to

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like, you know, oh, OK, wow, this is a lot of portals.

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Right. But also the the the emotions were more than I had anticipated. Yeah.

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Yes. So don't you kind of just feel like you just want to take a big nap when

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graduation is over with? That's kind of how I feel. Yeah.

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And I think this year more than any, you know, because because Jen,

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as you know, Jamie and I are both teachers.

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And normally the end of the school year is a and we're not done.

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So I know you're we're recording this, you know, end of May.

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Uh you're already finished out in your area we're not done again till the end of june,

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um with some days off in between for like a new jersey

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primary and then the juneteenth holiday and then

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half days and final exams and my kids are done like i don't know jamie i can't

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speak about your uh your your about drew but like my kids are like mentally

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like senioritis is there they're just ready to be finished like they've had

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this sociology project that they've it's probably the most homework they've

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done literally all school year.

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Um, they've had this social sociology project they've been working on and like,

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I could just see them like, Oh my God, I want to get this over with.

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I want to get this over with.

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And just all the effort, time and energy that they've been putting into this

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little group project. And it's, it's the first thing in a long time.

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They are normally not in the same classes and not for any other reason,

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but like their schedules and Joey takes more math and Sophia does.

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And so it wound up lining up that they both have the same sociology class and

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they're partners on the same project with other people. And it's like they're

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working together on the same project.

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So that adds a whole other level of stress and anxiety because my son will do

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things and they are appropriate. And my daughter will basically say,

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well, that's not good enough.

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And then it's a redo and a redo and a redo. So she's, uh, but he has,

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he has learned, he has learned to be, uh,

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a good, uh, a, a, a good crew member instead of trying to be captain.

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He's done a good job of taking direction instead of giving direction.

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So I think that's very important.

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Um, but yeah, we're excited. It's good experience because when they get to college,

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my older son, who's going to be a senior at Bowling Green State University in

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the fall, he's had to do group projects still.

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They still have to do group projects in college. So I almost feel like it's

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even harder when they get to college because everybody's schedules are so different.

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So it's good practice to work together.

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Yeah. I think one of the things we want to follow up with,

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and again, you're experiencing this right along with us, is like,

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what do you think that students and parents get most confused by during this

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whole process when we're going through applying and sending in stuff?

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Because I have some thoughts on it, but I'm wondering what your thoughts are

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and what you've seen through your experience and the people that you've worked with.

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I think there's a couple things. First of all, the test scores, I think, is a big one.

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Because now, you know, there's a lot of confusion around test optional.

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You know, there are some schools who are still test optional.

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There are some that reinstated their, you know, their testing requirements post-pandemic.

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And so, you know, students are always asking me, you know, should I submit my

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scores or should I not submit my scores?

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I don't know if you guys had that. Did you have that with your own?

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Jen, that was literally what I was going to bring up.

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That's probably the most confusing thing because some schools my daughter did

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put them in and my son put them in and some they did not.

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And there was no rhyme or reason to it. There was no like, well,

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we should send it to this one because of this and that one because of that.

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It was just like, well, it's optional, so I'm not going to send it.

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Well, it's preferred, so I am going to send it.

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So they were kind of directing like how they were. And I'm going to say my son

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sent them nowhere. Yeah.

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He didn't submit them anywhere. They were terrible.

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He didn't submit them. He did not do well. And they weren't reflective of his

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time as a student and didn't seem to affect him at all.

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And it didn't seem to affect the money that he was offered. It seemed like the

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GPA and the rank and all of his extracurriculars were what made the difference.

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I mean, you know, and it's not like he was applying to Princeton or anything.

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So, but it didn't, it didn't matter for him.

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And I don't, you know, now, obviously, because I have two younger children that

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are both in eighth grade.

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And the idea now is I feel like, wow, I'm going to, I'm in a completely different

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position when even just making their high school schedules and kind of looking at it and seeing it.

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It's, it just feels so different though. Obviously the, like,

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you know, trial and error with your first kid.

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But the um yeah there were

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some things about it that were like you know

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yeah but that's that's definitely something there's always i mean

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it's constantly evolving and changing yeah and how right and how different it'll

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be in a few years anyway yeah and before we you know i ask you what else you

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might have thought confuses people just to go back to the test and a lot of

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schools were like okay we're going to accept the test scores for or we're going

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to make it not test optional know, we're going to make it mandatory, I guess,

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or, and there were some schools, not any of that our kids required that were

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tests required. Yes. Thank you, Jen.

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And it was like, well, wait a minute, if you're going to make a test required,

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but you were not test required last year, and now you have a high, a rising senior, you,

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And maybe they didn't necessarily put the effort in preparation and studying

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to make sure that they do well on their SAPs.

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Like, wouldn't you want to say, OK, now for the next cycle, like skip a year

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and then tell people so they have enough time to prepare?

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I'm just trying to wrap my head around, like, what's the reason why?

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And you might not know. I don't think anybody knows the answer to this.

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Like, what's the reason why? Oh, we're going to go to test required. No, it would be nice.

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Yeah. I just I don't see any. No, that would be nice.

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But every year we get hit with surprises and it's usually right within the next

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like month or two, we are starting to hear about some changes with colleges,

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with their admission materials, what they're requiring every year.

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We've already heard a few things that have been changing as far as,

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you know, them canceling or not or getting rid of their supplemental writing

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and then some are adding them.

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And so it's just every year it's hard in our profession as, you know,

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as college consultants, because we've got to try to keep up with all of these

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thousands of schools, you know, making

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changes every year. So it's they're unpredictable. You just never know.

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Did you feel like you, and again, I know that this is something that you do,

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you know, year round, right?

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But did you feel that like you were at an advantage or a disadvantage knowing, knowing more,

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knowing more than the average college applicant or parent, you know,

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almost like maybe too much information is too much information, you know?

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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just feel like that's all around in our lives.

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That's just what it is. It's like there's too much going on all the time.

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Right. And then, of course, is it like, well, you're my mom.

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So I know it's like your job and stuff. But do you really know?

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Because you're my mom. Right.

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That would, to me, be always the element at play. Like, as a teacher,

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I tell my children, like, and we work in the district where we live and our children go to school.

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And I'll say to them, like, but this is the policy. They're like, no.

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And I'm like, no, no. It is. 25 years, I promise, like, I'm...

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No, no. I'm like, oh, okay, guys. So I'm just, was that at play for you at all?

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I will tell you, it's the biggest thing I get.

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So as you know, I work for Educational Connections and I'm an independent college consultant there.

00:15:49.125 --> 00:15:55.845
And almost every single parent that I talk to says, I just need my son or my

00:15:55.845 --> 00:15:59.685
daughter to talk to you because they don't want to listen to me because I'm

00:15:59.685 --> 00:16:01.325
mom and dad or I'm mom or I'm dad.

00:16:01.505 --> 00:16:05.005
And they think that I don't know anything. So just hearing it from somebody

00:16:05.005 --> 00:16:07.345
else just makes all the difference in the world.

00:16:07.685 --> 00:16:10.665
And honestly, I relate to that because it's the same way with my kids.

00:16:11.065 --> 00:16:16.045
It was a little different for me because they were, before I came to Educational

00:16:16.045 --> 00:16:18.745
Connections, I was at the high school that they were at.

00:16:19.085 --> 00:16:21.225
So it's like they could not escape me.

00:16:22.665 --> 00:16:27.725
But yeah, it is always easier to have somebody else work with your own student

00:16:27.725 --> 00:16:33.465
because they think mom and dad are just outdated and old and I have the exact

00:16:33.465 --> 00:16:34.845
same conversations with the kids.

00:16:34.945 --> 00:16:38.885
I do executive function work with because they don't want to listen to mom and dad.

00:16:39.045 --> 00:16:41.985
Yeah. And there's a power circle there, but I'm out of that circle.

00:16:42.005 --> 00:16:46.205
So I can have those conversations about, hey, try this or use a planner or use this.

00:16:46.345 --> 00:16:48.785
And, and they'll be like, oh, that makes sense. And I'll be like,

00:16:48.865 --> 00:16:52.805
I'm going to say, cause I even tell them like, hey, once my kids got to be 13,

00:16:53.145 --> 00:16:54.725
uh, I didn't know anything anymore.

00:16:55.745 --> 00:17:01.185
So, um, like it's not uncommon feeling, right? It's, I'm sure that every kid

00:17:01.185 --> 00:17:03.725
goes through that. Yeah. Right. Oh, absolutely.

00:17:04.704 --> 00:17:11.844
I remember our talk in the fall piece that I took away and then didn't follow.

00:17:12.704 --> 00:17:15.784
So I'm going to, I'm going to like, you know, tell on myself here a little bit.

00:17:15.884 --> 00:17:21.704
But so I had said, I remember you telling us, like, do not apply to a school

00:17:21.704 --> 00:17:24.704
that you are not interested in going to.

00:17:25.884 --> 00:17:29.804
And, you know, and so I, we kind of, you know, when he had sat down with the

00:17:29.804 --> 00:17:31.524
list of, you know, places and different.

00:17:31.524 --> 00:17:36.844
And it was like, so I was under the impression that there would be like some

00:17:36.844 --> 00:17:41.644
interest, but there was one in particular that really like the entire time.

00:17:41.644 --> 00:17:46.304
And it was like, but you got in and they gave you a really good amount of money,

00:17:46.304 --> 00:17:49.324
so we probably should visit. No, no.

00:17:51.173 --> 00:17:57.013
But what, you know, and I was, well, you know, Jen said, but I,

00:17:57.193 --> 00:18:00.753
and it was, it was, you know, and I guess at the time it was kind of like, I don't know.

00:18:00.913 --> 00:18:04.153
And, you know, you get the waiver codes and you don't have to pay to apply.

00:18:04.313 --> 00:18:08.613
So, you know, at that point, we weren't really losing a whole lot of time or

00:18:08.613 --> 00:18:14.173
money in sort of sending it out into the void to kind of see what was, was going to shake back.

00:18:14.173 --> 00:18:18.233
But I do think that that was probably like my favorite piece of advice that

00:18:18.233 --> 00:18:23.413
you gave us in the fall of, right, it really, there is no reason to do that.

00:18:23.753 --> 00:18:27.733
And so the kids who are start collecting 15, 20 applications,

00:18:27.973 --> 00:18:30.653
it just, it's not, you know, he did seven, my son.

00:18:30.773 --> 00:18:35.233
So I can't say that it got crazy out of hand, but yeah, I thought it was a good amount. Yeah.

00:18:35.693 --> 00:18:40.573
We applied. Well, and that's the very reason why our application numbers are

00:18:40.573 --> 00:18:45.353
so high right now because it's so easy to apply. And then you've got those waiver codes.

00:18:45.513 --> 00:18:47.953
So you're like, hey, we don't have to pay an application fee.

00:18:48.073 --> 00:18:49.073
Let's just go ahead and apply.

00:18:49.873 --> 00:18:55.193
But it's making it more and more competitive for students now because the application

00:18:55.193 --> 00:18:58.993
numbers are so high and you've got all these students competing for all these spots.

00:18:59.853 --> 00:19:03.033
Which also might be part of the reason and the justification for

00:19:03.033 --> 00:19:06.113
going to test required maybe they're trying to they have

00:19:06.113 --> 00:19:10.333
so many applicants that are in a pool that are so similar to one another maybe

00:19:10.333 --> 00:19:13.773
those test scores will be at least something that they could say okay this person

00:19:13.773 --> 00:19:17.353
has got a slightly higher score and they're going to go into this major so maybe

00:19:17.353 --> 00:19:20.273
we'll give them an extra check mark in the box and this is also from somebody

00:19:20.273 --> 00:19:25.853
that has no idea what he's talking about like I'm just guessing yeah it's a good theory though yeah.

00:19:27.066 --> 00:19:31.606
Well, that's part of it. But the other thing is you also have so many students

00:19:31.606 --> 00:19:37.046
who are applying with very similar GPAs, course rigor, and test scores.

00:19:37.206 --> 00:19:40.666
So we need something else to set them apart on their application.

00:19:40.866 --> 00:19:45.486
So that's where the essays and the extracurriculars and all that comes in.

00:19:45.486 --> 00:19:50.186
You know, because you have so many students that'll have very similar academic credentials.

00:19:50.486 --> 00:19:54.946
So we've got to now the new thing is, how am I going to set myself apart from

00:19:54.946 --> 00:19:58.186
everybody else? And that's what I work on a lot with my students.

00:19:58.446 --> 00:20:02.086
And what are some of the pieces of advice that you give those students that

00:20:02.086 --> 00:20:03.406
are looking to set themselves apart?

00:20:07.383 --> 00:20:11.383
Well, we first, what we do is when I, hopefully I meet with them early enough

00:20:11.383 --> 00:20:15.763
where we get a chance to, I help them create what's called an activities and awards tracker.

00:20:15.803 --> 00:20:20.363
And we, we list all of their extracurriculars on there and we talk about it

00:20:20.363 --> 00:20:24.623
and, you know, colleges it's not just a laundry, it used to be like,

00:20:24.743 --> 00:20:28.083
how many things can I join so that I can list them all on my application?

00:20:28.603 --> 00:20:32.063
And it's not like that anymore. Now colleges are looking for depth.

00:20:32.243 --> 00:20:35.923
They want to know if you're involved in this activity, what are you doing with

00:20:35.923 --> 00:20:38.603
this activity? You know, are you just showing up for a meeting and then that's it?

00:20:38.743 --> 00:20:41.963
Or are you, you know, are you the treasure?

00:20:42.303 --> 00:20:49.463
Are you creating a specific community service project?

00:20:49.763 --> 00:20:52.643
Are you, you know, what are you doing within those organizations?

00:20:52.643 --> 00:20:58.083
And so if I can get with my students early enough, we talk about that and we

00:20:58.083 --> 00:21:01.363
say, okay, this is an area you need to work on here if you want to highlight

00:21:01.363 --> 00:21:02.383
that on your application.

00:21:02.723 --> 00:21:06.143
So that's part of it. And then the other part is, of course,

00:21:06.243 --> 00:21:09.003
the essay, you know, is making them come to life.

00:21:09.643 --> 00:21:13.823
You know, already they see on the application all of the other stuff,

00:21:14.263 --> 00:21:17.163
you know, the stuff that you're involved in, the academics, all that.

00:21:17.443 --> 00:21:21.623
Now in the essay, we want to make them fall in love with you,

00:21:21.783 --> 00:21:23.623
right? We want to make the admission.

00:21:23.743 --> 00:21:27.923
I mean, I know it sounds weird, but you want that personal thing now,

00:21:27.963 --> 00:21:29.323
you know, in there. So...

00:21:30.739 --> 00:21:33.059
You want somebody to remember you. You want somebody to be like,

00:21:33.139 --> 00:21:34.559
hey, that was a really clever thought.

00:21:34.919 --> 00:21:41.839
I actually shared my essay, my son's essay with you, Jen, because we had talked here.

00:21:41.939 --> 00:21:46.019
I said, would you mind just like, I'm his dad and I'm a teacher and I edit stuff

00:21:46.019 --> 00:21:48.979
all the time. Would you like to take a look at this for me to give me some feedback?

00:21:49.379 --> 00:21:53.839
Because he had this idea about like, why pizza delivery drivers are heroes.

00:21:54.019 --> 00:21:56.579
That was his essay topic, which I thought was really clever.

00:21:56.619 --> 00:21:58.599
But I was kind of wondering where he was going with it.

00:21:59.299 --> 00:22:03.519
Um and some of your feedback like actually supported

00:22:03.519 --> 00:22:06.859
some of the things that he was looking to do of like you know adding

00:22:06.859 --> 00:22:10.139
more detail in certain areas and making sure that he's speaking about

00:22:10.139 --> 00:22:16.419
you know how it it it impacts him or others you know what i mean so he really

00:22:16.419 --> 00:22:20.399
like crafted something that i think was unique to his personality and that was

00:22:20.399 --> 00:22:26.459
clever so um i think those are i love essays like that it's one of my favorite

00:22:26.459 --> 00:22:29.919
parts of my job is reading these essays and all your creativity.

00:22:32.467 --> 00:22:36.347
That's definitely something that was a very fun part of the process.

00:22:36.587 --> 00:22:40.327
It was a lot less painstaking than I thought it was. For sure.

00:22:40.927 --> 00:22:45.007
For sure. And then the portals came. And then the portals.

00:22:45.587 --> 00:22:50.327
And the portals rained down. Rain down on me, portals. Yes.

00:22:50.687 --> 00:22:55.107
Have you ever thought, I work in education. Why is finding a job so weirdly hard? Yeah.

00:22:55.367 --> 00:22:58.567
Scrolling through random job boards where half the listings don't even make

00:22:58.567 --> 00:23:03.427
sense is not the vibe. That's why njschooljobs.com actually makes sense.

00:23:03.627 --> 00:23:07.147
It's a job board built specifically for New Jersey schools, public,

00:23:07.407 --> 00:23:09.127
private, charter, and parochial.

00:23:09.267 --> 00:23:12.527
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00:23:12.527 --> 00:23:16.947
If your job involves a bell schedule, this site's for you. It's free for job seekers.

00:23:17.207 --> 00:23:21.367
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00:23:21.527 --> 00:23:25.867
Schools across New Jersey actively use njschooljobs.com, so these are real,

00:23:26.087 --> 00:23:30.327
current openings. They also host virtual job fairs, where you can connect with

00:23:30.327 --> 00:23:33.327
multiple districts online. No driving all over the state.

00:23:33.547 --> 00:23:37.627
Those are coming up soon, so check the link in our episode description to register.

00:23:38.047 --> 00:23:40.787
Head to njschooljobs.com.

00:23:41.867 --> 00:23:45.647
Hey, Teacher Besties. I'm Andrea Forkham, and I am so excited to share with

00:23:45.647 --> 00:23:49.047
you that my book, They Never Taught Us That, is available right now.

00:23:49.187 --> 00:23:53.547
It is everything an experienced or first-year teacher needs to manage the chaos

00:23:53.547 --> 00:23:57.687
of the modern classroom, including some anecdotes to make you feel a little bit better.

00:23:57.907 --> 00:24:01.227
Because if there is a way that you can screw up, I've probably done it.

00:24:01.447 --> 00:24:05.107
It also has advice on how to build trust with families, how to manage grading

00:24:05.107 --> 00:24:06.927
and lesson plans and IEPs and

00:24:06.927 --> 00:24:09.807
everything else that they never went over in your teacher prep program.

00:24:10.267 --> 00:24:12.887
They Never Taught Us That is available everywhere right now.

00:24:13.347 --> 00:24:15.027
Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot.

00:24:15.227 --> 00:24:18.167
And there's a different portal. Every school has their own portal and you got

00:24:18.167 --> 00:24:21.247
to log in. Then you got to authenticate and you got to, I mean,

00:24:21.327 --> 00:24:23.107
it's, it is a lot. It is a lot.

00:24:23.387 --> 00:24:26.807
Yeah. I'm not sure. I'm just not sure I'm made for it.

00:24:28.020 --> 00:24:31.140
I don't want any more. I don't know if anybody is. Right? I mean,

00:24:31.140 --> 00:24:34.360
it really is just so many passwords for everything in your life.

00:24:34.500 --> 00:24:39.380
And then, and that was one point of the, well, he was already in.

00:24:39.540 --> 00:24:43.040
But, you know, we had to have like the very like, this is adulting.

00:24:43.600 --> 00:24:47.620
And, you know, most of it is just don't give up. It's not really that you're

00:24:47.620 --> 00:24:49.100
smarter or better or faster.

00:24:49.260 --> 00:24:53.060
It's just that like you didn't stop when something like this happened.

00:24:53.460 --> 00:24:58.400
And it's so true. It's like, oh, my gosh. The password. and then it didn't work,

00:24:58.520 --> 00:25:00.380
but then I got locked out and then I had, right.

00:25:00.600 --> 00:25:03.920
So it's like, so it happens to so many people.

00:25:04.660 --> 00:25:07.900
Yesterday, just yesterday, we were choosing housing. It was his day to choose

00:25:07.900 --> 00:25:10.380
housing for his on-campus housing.

00:25:10.540 --> 00:25:15.880
And, you know, you get this little window of time and he's got his roommates all set.

00:25:16.020 --> 00:25:20.240
So he's trying to, you know, he's FaceTiming with them while he was like the,

00:25:20.520 --> 00:25:22.440
cause they pick one leader cause he's living with four.

00:25:22.840 --> 00:25:26.180
And, you know, So he's online. I'm trying to help him navigate it.

00:25:26.420 --> 00:25:29.220
And you've got this little window of time that you've got to hurry up and pick

00:25:29.220 --> 00:25:31.480
your room that you want before somebody else gets it.

00:25:31.560 --> 00:25:34.460
And I think I needed a glass of wine after that.

00:25:34.700 --> 00:25:37.860
I was like, okay, this is just a lot.

00:25:39.160 --> 00:25:45.140
There's a lot of situations like that where you wonder, is this over?

00:25:45.500 --> 00:25:48.460
It's just, where have we gone wrong here, everybody?

00:25:49.400 --> 00:25:53.740
That's a lot of the extra stress that comes. Everything's over the top nowadays. Oh, yeah.

00:25:54.200 --> 00:26:00.280
And we haven't even started talking about the bed parties and the other things about, you know.

00:26:00.380 --> 00:26:03.520
We're not for the bed parties, Jen. How do you feel about them?

00:26:04.620 --> 00:26:08.020
The bed parties? Am I missing something here? What's the bed parties?

00:26:08.320 --> 00:26:10.360
So you have two sons, right, Jen? Yeah.

00:26:12.248 --> 00:26:16.908
Correct. Oh, sorry about my balloons. We said party too many times. Sorry.

00:26:17.308 --> 00:26:22.068
So you have two cents. So like, I think this is more of a female thing where

00:26:22.068 --> 00:26:23.688
they do it. They do a bed party.

00:26:23.828 --> 00:26:27.028
So you get into school and then they decorate your bed.

00:26:27.508 --> 00:26:30.228
If like the colors of the school, like in your at home bedroom,

00:26:30.228 --> 00:26:34.248
you are then featured on social media in your own bed.

00:26:34.248 --> 00:26:40.408
But every single thing around you is decorated in the colors of the school,

00:26:40.408 --> 00:26:43.088
the balloons the name of the

00:26:43.088 --> 00:26:46.008
school 18 shirts sweatshirt i'm always amazed

00:26:46.008 --> 00:26:48.688
at like how can you afford to go to the college after you've bought all the

00:26:48.688 --> 00:26:51.908
merch of the college but like you do you boo it is

00:26:51.908 --> 00:26:57.508
it's not just like a couple things it's like it's like 50 000 things yeah yeah

00:26:57.508 --> 00:27:05.368
yeah and joe and i have decided we don't like it i i really think that i agree

00:27:05.368 --> 00:27:09.348
with you i don't like it either I think social media has hyped up so much.

00:27:09.448 --> 00:27:12.808
Like, even if you look at the Greek, the sorority stuff, you know,

00:27:12.908 --> 00:27:16.008
that's on with the Tic Tac and all the stuff that they do now.

00:27:16.048 --> 00:27:22.428
I mean, it's just it's hard because I think a lot of students are Rush Talk.

00:27:22.628 --> 00:27:26.208
That's what it's called. I'm sorry, but like mid-August, I am Rush Talk.

00:27:26.428 --> 00:27:33.728
Like, I am for it. So I will say, okay, uh-oh, maybe I am a bed party enthusiast. I don't know. Oh, no.

00:27:34.468 --> 00:27:38.048
Yeah, I'm sure your son would love that point. I mean, it's fun to watch,

00:27:38.268 --> 00:27:40.568
but... Go ahead and try to plan that. No, he would never.

00:27:41.888 --> 00:27:46.188
I was like, can we buy a sweatshirt? And he was like, I don't know.

00:27:46.408 --> 00:27:51.648
And I was like, come on, let's go to the bookstore and let's buy you a sweatshirt.

00:27:51.668 --> 00:27:53.748
And he's like, is this because they gave you a coupon?

00:27:56.608 --> 00:28:01.528
And I was like, yeah, kind of. Exactly, let's go. So you've got to get the sweatshirt

00:28:01.528 --> 00:28:05.188
that says mom on it. and be all proud. It's like, boy.

00:28:05.908 --> 00:28:09.408
That is the one thing. I just think sometimes with,

00:28:11.087 --> 00:28:15.747
No, sorry. Go ahead. No, it was the one thing my wife did want was the sweatshirt

00:28:15.747 --> 00:28:18.987
that was like, I was going to say mom, she did want that. That's cute.

00:28:19.367 --> 00:28:25.467
Yeah. Cause you know, that's one, one, one, not like Jen, I'll send you a picture

00:28:25.467 --> 00:28:27.247
later. Like somebody's Instagram post.

00:28:27.367 --> 00:28:32.647
It's like, it's so it's like, it's a sequined like champagne bottle,

00:28:33.027 --> 00:28:34.167
but it's not champagne in it.

00:28:34.327 --> 00:28:37.107
And it's like all the snacks. Like if you go to like university,

00:28:37.287 --> 00:28:40.407
it's like, everything's got to be blue. Yeah. Wow.

00:28:41.667 --> 00:28:47.967
I got to try and find. That's crazy. I mean, the thing that I do worry about is try and find it.

00:28:48.327 --> 00:28:52.327
Students are constantly comparing themselves to these, you know,

00:28:52.587 --> 00:28:56.907
these profiles and unrealistic expectations.

00:28:58.047 --> 00:29:03.327
And I think it's the mental health I worry about a little bit with that,

00:29:03.507 --> 00:29:06.807
you know, because I see I've seen the one, you know, the tick tocks where the

00:29:06.807 --> 00:29:09.067
girls didn't get the sorority they wanted.

00:29:09.067 --> 00:29:12.327
And then they were just, you know, and it's just like, this is all out there

00:29:12.327 --> 00:29:16.247
for everybody to see, you know, like we didn't have to deal with that when we were younger.

00:29:16.547 --> 00:29:20.207
And so that's another challenge that our kids are dealing with that,

00:29:20.547 --> 00:29:23.427
you know. Jen, are you on Instagram or no? You're not, right?

00:29:23.507 --> 00:29:24.167
You're not on Instagram?

00:29:26.437 --> 00:29:29.737
Or i i have an account but i rarely look

00:29:29.737 --> 00:29:32.457
at it no because i'll just i'll send you a screenshot because i don't want

00:29:32.457 --> 00:29:35.157
to put it on here because like there's a person in it but i'm going

00:29:35.157 --> 00:29:38.297
to send you a screenshot of the picture that i'm referring to so you

00:29:38.297 --> 00:29:41.317
guys are going to have to search these out on your own uh one of

00:29:41.317 --> 00:29:44.057
my favorite and and something that i say not

00:29:44.057 --> 00:29:46.817
just as a mom um or person with you know my

00:29:46.817 --> 00:29:50.057
friends just send it to you on your phone but also at

00:29:50.057 --> 00:29:53.177
the um like teaching middle school is comparison

00:29:53.177 --> 00:29:56.017
is the thief of joy and it's such

00:29:56.017 --> 00:29:59.777
speaks to the age that we teach where you're

00:29:59.777 --> 00:30:04.817
you know really always looking around I always thought that was like so 12 year

00:30:04.817 --> 00:30:09.037
old 13 year old 14 year old where you are just constantly like everyone has

00:30:09.037 --> 00:30:12.457
everything and I have nothing and everyone's better than me and then you know

00:30:12.457 --> 00:30:17.597
15 16 17 to me like you start growing out from that a bit,

00:30:17.737 --> 00:30:19.937
you have a better or stronger self-identity,

00:30:20.137 --> 00:30:24.177
self-worth, and you can feel a little bit more comfortable in your own skin.

00:30:24.417 --> 00:30:30.637
And so what I find, I guess, sometimes difficult about these practices is that.

00:30:31.595 --> 00:30:35.795
And it's just, it's like we're going backwards. It's like a bit of an arrested

00:30:35.795 --> 00:30:40.935
development where instead of really being, you know, forward motion and look

00:30:40.935 --> 00:30:45.735
what I did for myself to validate that it's just this.

00:30:45.995 --> 00:30:49.835
And I mean, please, I post on social media and I do all that stuff and I get it.

00:30:49.855 --> 00:30:56.955
But it is like to a level where, yeah. I think this one that I sent you,

00:30:57.035 --> 00:30:58.295
Jen, I think it's a company.

00:30:58.415 --> 00:31:00.595
I think there's a company that actually does this.

00:31:00.735 --> 00:31:03.755
This is their staging these things.

00:31:03.795 --> 00:31:09.235
They come in and do it for you, a party planner, but they- You hire somebody to do it. Yeah.

00:31:09.495 --> 00:31:12.395
No. So I sent you a picture of the- I'll have to look at it.

00:31:12.415 --> 00:31:16.055
I don't have my phone near me. I'll have to look at it. So I would be very interested

00:31:16.055 --> 00:31:18.375
to see your take on it. You could be horrified later. Yeah.

00:31:20.335 --> 00:31:23.015
Like, I don't think they bought all that stuff. because if you

00:31:23.015 --> 00:31:25.815
look at who they've tagged yeah exactly if you look

00:31:25.815 --> 00:31:29.895
at who they've tagged like they've tagged other like companies if

00:31:29.895 --> 00:31:32.975
you will like i think there's like a staging company like you

00:31:32.975 --> 00:31:36.655
would get like they come in with the balloons and the merch and it's like all

00:31:36.655 --> 00:31:40.295
but a lot of people buy all of that themselves and they don't there are some

00:31:40.295 --> 00:31:47.015
people yes yeah yes it's crazy um yeah i think that's that's part of i know

00:31:47.015 --> 00:31:52.755
they do that with sorority like or with yeah yeah like Like their dorm rooms,

00:31:52.835 --> 00:31:57.955
they hire somebody to come in or their residence hall rooms to decorate them. I'm like, what?

00:31:58.775 --> 00:32:05.095
I had milk crates when I was in. Yeah, milk crates. Oh, I loved a good milk crate. Yeah.

00:32:05.975 --> 00:32:09.935
Milk crates. Yeah, exactly. I put all my sweatshirts and everything in there,

00:32:10.035 --> 00:32:11.175
you know? Of course, yeah.

00:32:12.895 --> 00:32:14.815
So it's just crazy to be like,

00:32:15.796 --> 00:32:20.556
I mean, I think it's an unrealistic expectation that we're trying to have our kids live up to.

00:32:20.696 --> 00:32:25.496
But I really think it's for the parents to show out, here's my kid and you're bragging about them.

00:32:25.696 --> 00:32:28.096
And if that's you, great.

00:32:28.436 --> 00:32:31.156
If you're comfortable with that, awesome. I'm not.

00:32:32.436 --> 00:32:36.856
My daughter won a scholarship and it was a Vietnam Veterans Memorial Scholarship.

00:32:37.016 --> 00:32:43.636
And I talked about her today in my classes because I was doing a lesson on Vietnam

00:32:43.636 --> 00:32:46.516
to talk about my father-in-law a little bit. And I also mentioned that my daughter

00:32:46.516 --> 00:32:48.836
won the scholarship because the essay is about my father-in-law.

00:32:49.336 --> 00:32:52.616
And like, even that may be a little uncomfortable. Like I'm bragging about my

00:32:52.616 --> 00:32:57.256
daughter winning a scholarship, but like, I'm just not showy. Right.

00:32:57.456 --> 00:33:01.676
You know, there's a difference between being proud, being a fine example.

00:33:02.436 --> 00:33:05.936
Sharing the, you know, the road, the journey, the, you know,

00:33:06.016 --> 00:33:09.656
experiences that you have, especially like in our situation,

00:33:09.976 --> 00:33:13.676
you know, with a lot of our students that are now approaching high school.

00:33:13.676 --> 00:33:16.696
And you're able to say to them like these are options

00:33:16.696 --> 00:33:19.576
these are things that you may or may not like

00:33:19.576 --> 00:33:22.476
you might need money for college and if you do

00:33:22.476 --> 00:33:25.696
well academically you're gonna get some not because

00:33:25.696 --> 00:33:28.476
you applied or wrote an essay but just because they just will

00:33:28.476 --> 00:33:31.076
give it to you you know and then look at all

00:33:31.076 --> 00:33:34.296
these bonuses of things like your my daughter wrote an essay and

00:33:34.296 --> 00:33:37.816
i don't think that that's bragging there's a very distinct difference

00:33:37.816 --> 00:33:40.796
between being proud sharing a

00:33:40.796 --> 00:33:43.816
big moment rather than like it's it

00:33:43.816 --> 00:33:46.876
becomes like this over the top right and there shouldn't be

00:33:46.876 --> 00:33:49.676
a feeling for you joe or anybody like that

00:33:49.676 --> 00:33:52.556
where it's like oh i'm bragging you're not bragging like

00:33:52.556 --> 00:33:57.516
that's a very important personal achievement in your family you should want

00:33:57.516 --> 00:34:03.776
to share that it it's this over the top nature that blurs the lines of those

00:34:03.776 --> 00:34:10.436
things i i think but yeah so one of the things we'd like to you know talk about here is that like.

00:34:11.520 --> 00:34:15.120
Not every child finishes where they start. Right. So our kids,

00:34:15.200 --> 00:34:17.540
of course, are saying like, hey, we're going to go to this school.

00:34:17.740 --> 00:34:19.000
We're going to major in this program.

00:34:19.580 --> 00:34:23.620
But I think it would be important to have a little discussion here because maybe

00:34:23.620 --> 00:34:26.680
there are some parents out there and some of our listeners that are dealing

00:34:26.680 --> 00:34:29.860
with this. Like, what if college isn't what your child expected?

00:34:30.020 --> 00:34:34.720
Like, what is transferring look like? And what and how does one go about that process?

00:34:35.860 --> 00:34:38.740
Like, and I asked, you know, I sent you some some things that I maybe wanted

00:34:38.740 --> 00:34:42.640
to talk about beforehand. Like, do you know, like any facts and figures on like

00:34:42.640 --> 00:34:44.880
how common it is for students to transfer?

00:34:47.760 --> 00:34:52.100
Or like, should we just be encouraging our students to like give it more? Right.

00:34:55.480 --> 00:34:58.820
I always tell my students, and this is when I worked at the high school,

00:34:59.080 --> 00:35:04.340
you know, I'd have a student, you know, halfway into first semester of college call, Mrs.

00:35:04.440 --> 00:35:07.120
Goldberry, I don't know what to do. I'm not happy here.

00:35:07.500 --> 00:35:10.360
You know, I'm so, I'm afraid I made the wrong decision.

00:35:11.260 --> 00:35:14.340
And, you know, whether it's grades or friends or whatever it is,

00:35:14.420 --> 00:35:20.260
and I always tell them, give it at least a semester, if not an entire year.

00:35:20.540 --> 00:35:23.960
Okay, because everybody gets homesick.

00:35:24.100 --> 00:35:28.560
It's, it's a huge transition. It's a major change in your life and it's not

00:35:28.560 --> 00:35:32.520
going to just seamlessly go perfectly, you know, for everybody.

00:35:33.100 --> 00:35:36.800
Um, I'm going to give, I have several examples. You know, I had a student,

00:35:37.060 --> 00:35:43.580
um, he graduated with my son and he, you know, he went to school far, far away.

00:35:43.760 --> 00:35:48.100
And then he, like across the country. And I remember him calling me and saying, I don't know.

00:35:48.200 --> 00:35:52.420
I don't know if this is right for me. I don't, I'm thinking about, you know, getting...

00:35:52.994 --> 00:35:56.494
You know, closer to home. Um, you know, do you think I should transfer?

00:35:56.654 --> 00:35:59.794
And this was like towards the end of first semester. And I said,

00:35:59.974 --> 00:36:04.394
can you give it one more semester? Can you just stick it out for the whole year?

00:36:04.974 --> 00:36:10.314
And he's like, I'm going to give it a try. And he did. I'm so proud of him. He did.

00:36:10.714 --> 00:36:17.214
And he is like the big man on campus now, like having the most amazing experience

00:36:17.214 --> 00:36:18.934
will be a senior in the fall.

00:36:19.994 --> 00:36:25.054
He's like one of my own. I love this kid. And he stuck it out and he ended up

00:36:25.054 --> 00:36:26.654
like everything changed for him.

00:36:26.754 --> 00:36:30.974
He just needed some time to get used to the whole process, you know,

00:36:31.074 --> 00:36:36.014
and get over the homesickness and, you know, meet some friends and get involved

00:36:36.014 --> 00:36:38.054
in some organizations and things on campus.

00:36:38.214 --> 00:36:42.514
And so I really tell students, I mean, unless there is a major,

00:36:42.714 --> 00:36:46.874
major issue, a major health issue or, you know, a financial issue or something,

00:36:47.054 --> 00:36:51.814
I really tell students, try to give it a year before you make any major changes.

00:36:52.374 --> 00:36:57.334
And I also tell parents, you know, don't be ready to just pull them out the

00:36:57.334 --> 00:36:58.514
minute that something goes wrong.

00:36:58.794 --> 00:37:02.094
You know, they have to learn to kind of work through, you know,

00:37:02.174 --> 00:37:05.694
some adverse things. It's just part of life. It's what we all have to do, right?

00:37:06.134 --> 00:37:10.314
So, I mean, of course, that's what we do as parents. We want to go ahead and save them right away.

00:37:10.314 --> 00:37:14.554
But, you know, I always encourage parents, you know, if a student is struggling

00:37:14.554 --> 00:37:18.054
academically or they're struggling with friends or whatever it is,

00:37:18.134 --> 00:37:23.414
there's so many resources on college campuses that can help students. There's tutoring.

00:37:23.634 --> 00:37:27.874
There's mental health services. There's, you know, have them try those avenues

00:37:27.874 --> 00:37:31.594
first before just pulling the plug, you know.

00:37:31.814 --> 00:37:35.514
Yeah. I think this is. Because you've made this investment, you know, at some point.

00:37:37.554 --> 00:37:38.674
No, go ahead. You're good.

00:37:42.173 --> 00:37:45.733
You're good, Jen. I was just going to say, I mean, you know, I can see.

00:37:47.093 --> 00:37:49.633
That's okay. I can see. I think we have a little bit of a lag.

00:37:49.833 --> 00:37:54.453
So I can see, you know, how you'd want to pull them out right away and.

00:37:55.333 --> 00:37:57.133
You know, come on, come home to mama.

00:37:57.333 --> 00:38:01.073
You know, I'll take care of you and everything. But we need to let them hit

00:38:01.073 --> 00:38:04.933
a couple of speed bumps and figure out how to navigate those speed bumps before

00:38:04.933 --> 00:38:07.373
we just let them come home or let them change.

00:38:07.473 --> 00:38:10.253
We've already made that investment. they've already, you know,

00:38:10.453 --> 00:38:13.593
they've decided that they've loved the college. They've gone to visit the school.

00:38:13.773 --> 00:38:17.953
They made this decision on their own. So now let's give them some time to grow.

00:38:18.733 --> 00:38:22.253
And that's what I usually tell families. Yeah. I think this,

00:38:22.313 --> 00:38:24.773
this is more than just, Hey, my roommate sucks.

00:38:25.253 --> 00:38:28.593
You know, this is, you know what I mean? Like, like, yeah, that's a problem

00:38:28.593 --> 00:38:29.693
that you're going to have to figure out.

00:38:29.793 --> 00:38:33.793
Like that, that's, that, that's, you know, yes, there's dynamics that might

00:38:33.793 --> 00:38:35.613
not meet or you might not have the two people.

00:38:35.873 --> 00:38:38.913
So there's things that you can do besides I want to go home.

00:38:39.213 --> 00:38:44.753
But also, I'm really glad you made the point of like, yeah, you need to use

00:38:44.753 --> 00:38:46.793
some of the services that are on campus for you.

00:38:46.933 --> 00:38:50.913
You have residence hall directors, you have student groups that you can go to

00:38:50.913 --> 00:38:56.793
and talk to, you have, like you said, academic tutoring, checking in with your professors.

00:38:57.053 --> 00:39:01.213
How important is that as a strategy to be like, go to office hours,

00:39:01.373 --> 00:39:07.833
show that you're interested or show that you're struggling because Because a lot of times, you know,

00:39:08.433 --> 00:39:12.193
your professors are going to be willing to help you.

00:39:12.233 --> 00:39:17.033
And especially when you're making that extra foot, that extra step forward.

00:39:17.173 --> 00:39:18.553
I think that's really important.

00:39:20.271 --> 00:39:26.331
Yeah, agreed. And I like the idea of the whole, I'm always a big fan of like an entire year.

00:39:26.511 --> 00:39:30.671
You know, there are seasons and changes and, you know, some of us do better

00:39:30.671 --> 00:39:34.591
in, you know, the fall as opposed to like the darkness of winter,

00:39:34.711 --> 00:39:35.551
which is never good for me.

00:39:35.691 --> 00:39:39.231
You know, so I think that it really, you know, there is something to that,

00:39:39.391 --> 00:39:45.311
you know, whole entire year experience to be able to see if it's,

00:39:45.431 --> 00:39:49.931
you know, right or not. And it is a really big investment, like you said.

00:39:50.271 --> 00:39:57.751
So to walk away from that financially is also can be a big, a big difficulty.

00:39:58.291 --> 00:40:03.271
You know, like you said, if it's not for like a health situation or something like that.

00:40:03.391 --> 00:40:07.391
But yeah, I wonder, I probably, it's probably not as many kids,

00:40:07.611 --> 00:40:12.811
you know, that drop out or transfer changes as you might think. I don't know.

00:40:12.911 --> 00:40:16.931
I wouldn't know the numbers unless we looked them up. that yeah and i think

00:40:16.931 --> 00:40:20.131
that that's great advice like like telling like hey your kid's got a.

00:40:21.594 --> 00:40:24.554
They've got to develop some calluses a little bit, right? You kind of have to

00:40:24.554 --> 00:40:28.074
learn those skills because you're going to be in a work environment where not

00:40:28.074 --> 00:40:28.994
everybody's going to gel.

00:40:29.414 --> 00:40:34.454
You're going to have a boss that's not going to be ideal. Everyone's been there.

00:40:34.614 --> 00:40:35.994
I've had them. I'm sure everybody.

00:40:36.374 --> 00:40:38.794
Except the difference is you don't have to live with those people.

00:40:39.094 --> 00:40:41.774
Oh, true. I mean, I'm not talking about like living with a roommate.

00:40:42.034 --> 00:40:47.994
Yeah. Because the roommate situation to me is, we went through the steps like

00:40:47.994 --> 00:40:50.094
in the portal. Of course, there's a portal for that.

00:40:51.414 --> 00:40:55.074
But another portal, a separate portal, and look through.

00:40:55.274 --> 00:41:01.794
And the questions, like, to match at my son's school were, there was just a few.

00:41:02.274 --> 00:41:05.954
And the explanation was, well, the kids stopped filling the whole thing out.

00:41:06.014 --> 00:41:08.914
So we, like, oversimplified the form.

00:41:09.674 --> 00:41:16.174
And, you know, and I, it was, you know, I said, oh, okay, I guess, you know, I don't know.

00:41:16.174 --> 00:41:20.454
The idea of like living in like that tiny little space with another person is

00:41:20.454 --> 00:41:29.794
so horrifying to me that, you know, but he my son is going to live in a single for his first year.

00:41:30.054 --> 00:41:33.754
And we kind of collectively came to like what we thought would be best for his

00:41:33.754 --> 00:41:34.934
mental health and well-being.

00:41:35.354 --> 00:41:39.214
And it was something that my husband and I both had felt like strongly about

00:41:39.214 --> 00:41:43.754
for him, especially because, you know, maybe if there was like if it was one

00:41:43.754 --> 00:41:46.014
of his buddies from home that he could.

00:41:46.174 --> 00:41:48.374
Like had already had an established relationship.

00:41:48.574 --> 00:41:52.054
So we had said to him, you know, as you go forward in your college experience,

00:41:52.054 --> 00:41:57.014
you meet friends and you guys decide to go, you know, the four of you and they

00:41:57.014 --> 00:41:59.494
have apartments when you get older or something like that. Fine.

00:42:00.114 --> 00:42:02.094
But we'll say, you know, and then, of course, it's like, oh,

00:42:02.174 --> 00:42:03.494
no, is it going to be too isolating?

00:42:03.834 --> 00:42:07.114
And, you know, that's what I that's what I went back and forth with,

00:42:07.234 --> 00:42:10.974
because I talked with my son about like, hey, if there's somebody I said, like, maybe.

00:42:12.154 --> 00:42:16.934
Because they have such a very close group right I don't I didn't want him to

00:42:16.934 --> 00:42:20.594
become a closed circle I wanted to be like alright maybe you don't room with him.

00:42:22.342 --> 00:42:24.962
Jamie's son but like yeah maybe you don't room with one of your

00:42:24.962 --> 00:42:27.982
friends and you branch out a little bit and find somebody else

00:42:27.982 --> 00:42:31.322
and then meet some other people you know one

00:42:31.322 --> 00:42:34.362
of the things and i don't know what stockton does one of the things that i think

00:42:34.362 --> 00:42:38.102
tcnj does very well as they do their welcome week for freshmen and they are

00:42:38.102 --> 00:42:43.142
on campus uh like a couple days beforehand i want to say it's like five days

00:42:43.142 --> 00:42:46.762
beforehand they go on a thursday but classes don't start until tuesday the following

00:42:46.762 --> 00:42:48.982
week and like that thursday when they arrive there are.

00:42:50.033 --> 00:42:54.993
All sorts of things that they do and they meet their residents and they do all

00:42:54.993 --> 00:42:59.773
sorts of activities and there's movies and s'mores and, and games and,

00:42:59.773 --> 00:43:04.273
uh, you know, seminars for them to go to campus.

00:43:04.673 --> 00:43:07.213
Does that make you just want to go back to college? Yeah. And you know what?

00:43:07.213 --> 00:43:10.973
I missed out on that because I transferred in there and so did my wife.

00:43:11.173 --> 00:43:15.993
Like neither of us went through that. And I think that's also part of the reason where as seniors,

00:43:15.993 --> 00:43:18.733
they have senior week and the kids get to go

00:43:18.733 --> 00:43:21.653
back and they go back into the freshman towers so

00:43:21.653 --> 00:43:24.533
the freshmen move out and then the seniors have senior week and

00:43:24.533 --> 00:43:27.313
then all the seniors move back into the towers like for like a

00:43:27.313 --> 00:43:30.173
weekend and they do all sorts of stuff for the seniors so

00:43:30.173 --> 00:43:34.193
you get that nostalgia of oh my god i get to go back and do that like welcome

00:43:34.193 --> 00:43:38.193
week was so much fun and now i get to go back and live and be there and and

00:43:38.193 --> 00:43:42.033
at that point they're 21 so that's things are probably a little different uh

00:43:42.033 --> 00:43:46.653
in regards to what their college experience looks like it's a magical time i

00:43:46.653 --> 00:43:49.213
think it's a magical time in your life to be in college.

00:43:49.813 --> 00:43:54.253
It really is. Of course it is. So much fun and so tiring, right?

00:43:54.333 --> 00:43:57.993
I don't know if I was ever as exhausted as I was when I was in college,

00:43:57.993 --> 00:43:59.873
right? You got to get a nap going.

00:44:00.153 --> 00:44:04.133
It was like, oh, I'm so tired. Yeah. I know mine is going to be even like,

00:44:04.193 --> 00:44:07.073
I know like right before they move in and it's like the packing and putting

00:44:07.073 --> 00:44:09.673
everything together, like that'll be stressful because I know my daughter's

00:44:09.673 --> 00:44:11.353
going to want to be like, I'll take this and this and this.

00:44:11.473 --> 00:44:15.813
I'm like, honey, it's an hour away. Okay. So if you really need like the winter

00:44:15.813 --> 00:44:20.533
stuff, we'll bring it to you. Like, you can meet us every once in a while.

00:44:20.633 --> 00:44:23.193
And the rooms are small. There's not a lot of room for storage.

00:44:23.473 --> 00:44:26.413
Yeah, you know, there's parents weekend. We can go see you. Like,

00:44:26.473 --> 00:44:30.313
we love you. You love us. We could see each other. And Jamie's like, well.

00:44:31.393 --> 00:44:35.953
No, it's good. I have to say that, you know, it's like the downside of social

00:44:35.953 --> 00:44:38.093
media is some of that, you know, comparing.

00:44:38.653 --> 00:44:42.133
But the upside is the amount of...

00:44:43.119 --> 00:44:46.739
Videos and reels that i get on organizational

00:44:46.739 --> 00:44:50.419
tips for small spaces oh fascinating

00:44:50.419 --> 00:44:55.479
you gotta get on that side because even just like buy this bag and then pack

00:44:55.479 --> 00:44:58.959
it this way and then do you know all of those things are so yeah i've seen some

00:44:58.959 --> 00:45:03.679
of those amazon is a godsend it's amazing yeah i've seen like some of the things

00:45:03.679 --> 00:45:08.879
not to buy uh i've seen some of that um i've seen like buying them like a little

00:45:08.879 --> 00:45:10.179
tool set would be helpful.

00:45:10.679 --> 00:45:14.079
Like a little, like it's got like a little box and it's got like a hammer and

00:45:14.079 --> 00:45:15.439
a screwdriver and a tape measure.

00:45:15.619 --> 00:45:18.459
Like, you know, I'll probably give that to my son and then he can,

00:45:18.559 --> 00:45:22.879
uh, you know, if my daughter ever needs it, he can run across the building and go get it.

00:45:23.439 --> 00:45:26.919
Um, but yeah, it's, it's very exciting. It's exciting. It's stressful.

00:45:27.239 --> 00:45:31.759
It's, uh, you know, it's, it's, it's a culmination of hard work, right?

00:45:31.879 --> 00:45:37.099
All of our, all three of our, before I guess all all the kids that we have uh

00:45:37.099 --> 00:45:40.519
have you know went through this process that are now about to take this big

00:45:40.519 --> 00:45:45.179
giant step which uh we hope that some of the conversations that we've had.

00:45:47.059 --> 00:45:49.619
Um with you and with you know

00:45:49.619 --> 00:45:53.019
some of the people as we end up our our season three here are going to give

00:45:53.019 --> 00:45:57.239
any parent that's on the way and about to get this journey started some insight

00:45:57.239 --> 00:46:01.579
like Jen what's one tip of advice that you might give a parent that's like of

00:46:01.579 --> 00:46:07.119
a rising sophomore a rising junior as like they get started in this process of like, all right,

00:46:07.239 --> 00:46:09.619
let's, let's figure out what we're doing with this whole college thing.

00:46:09.719 --> 00:46:14.059
Like what would one piece of advice be that you would say, here's one way you would get started?

00:46:17.409 --> 00:46:18.469
And I'm sure there's more than one.

00:46:20.709 --> 00:46:24.749
I think the first, well, it depends. To get started when you're thinking about

00:46:24.749 --> 00:46:27.789
your list, when you're thinking about creating your college list and looking

00:46:27.789 --> 00:46:32.129
at your colleges, students need to know who they are, you know,

00:46:32.229 --> 00:46:33.929
what they want, what they're looking for.

00:46:34.189 --> 00:46:39.149
So, you know, maybe just start there. Just start asking themselves,

00:46:39.369 --> 00:46:41.329
you know, how far away am I willing to go?

00:46:42.429 --> 00:46:48.129
Am I okay with living on campus? Do I want to live at home? Do I know a major?

00:46:48.409 --> 00:46:51.109
Do I know maybe do I want to go to a larger school?

00:46:51.549 --> 00:46:54.349
Am I maybe a little bit more comfortable in a smaller classroom?

00:46:54.589 --> 00:46:57.569
Just start asking themselves those kinds of questions.

00:46:57.849 --> 00:47:05.009
And maybe even, I know it sounds early, but just go tour a college campus somewhere close to home.

00:47:05.009 --> 00:47:11.829
Even if it's not one that you think you'll apply to, just to get on a college

00:47:11.829 --> 00:47:13.569
campus and see what it's like.

00:47:14.729 --> 00:47:19.489
Because with that first campus visit that you take, I find that students realize

00:47:19.489 --> 00:47:24.889
what they do like and what they don't like, and it just starts coming together for them.

00:47:25.229 --> 00:47:31.809
So evaluating yourself and your must-haves, I think, is really important to get started.

00:47:32.069 --> 00:47:37.029
Start early. The earlier you start, the better because, you know,

00:47:37.109 --> 00:47:39.249
I'm even meeting with 8th and 9th graders.

00:47:39.409 --> 00:47:43.949
That's really early. Oh, okay. But we have time then to...

00:47:44.857 --> 00:47:49.177
We have time to explore majors. We have time to, you know, talk about all these things.

00:47:49.317 --> 00:47:52.677
We start building their college narrative early on. So we talk about,

00:47:52.957 --> 00:47:54.157
hey, what are you going to do this summer?

00:47:54.337 --> 00:47:57.757
What are some things that you can work on this summer or things maybe you want

00:47:57.757 --> 00:48:00.957
to get involved in the following school year so that we can start,

00:48:01.017 --> 00:48:04.037
you know, looking at building your college narrative, what we're going to add

00:48:04.037 --> 00:48:05.717
to your college applications now.

00:48:07.337 --> 00:48:12.817
So, you know, the earlier, the better. And yeah. I think that's great advice.

00:48:13.757 --> 00:48:16.937
You know, and we're very thankful that the universe works in mysterious ways

00:48:16.937 --> 00:48:20.537
and connected us with you so we could, you know, talk through some of this stuff

00:48:20.537 --> 00:48:24.257
and figure out that, like, hey, what we've experienced is actually kind of normal.

00:48:24.937 --> 00:48:29.577
Yeah. And one thing I say all the time to my students is if you want to go to

00:48:29.577 --> 00:48:32.677
college, there's one for you. Yeah. Because.

00:48:33.097 --> 00:48:37.937
Absolutely. That, you know, that's the biggest idea out there that, oh, I'm not going to get.

00:48:38.557 --> 00:48:43.497
Yes, you will go to college. It is possible for everybody and anybody that's

00:48:43.497 --> 00:48:46.337
willing and wants to, you know. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah.

00:48:47.337 --> 00:48:52.097
Yeah. So before we sign off, hey, should we thank our Season 3 sponsor again

00:48:52.097 --> 00:48:54.437
there, Jamie? Should we do that? I think we should.

00:48:54.797 --> 00:48:58.397
Season 3 is brought to you by our presenting sponsor, Teacher's Insurance Plan.

00:48:58.537 --> 00:49:01.997
Check out their website for more information and to get a quote.

00:49:02.257 --> 00:49:05.997
Teacher's Insurance Plan, auto insurance that brings exclusive educator savings

00:49:05.997 --> 00:49:10.877
and exceptional customer care to New Jersey and Pennsylvania educational employees.

00:49:11.297 --> 00:49:16.277
Jen, Joe, I appreciate you both so much. Yes, I appreciate you too, Jen.

00:49:16.757 --> 00:49:21.157
Good luck to you. Good luck to your kiddos. Yes, you too. Thank you so much.

00:49:21.537 --> 00:49:23.837
And we wish your summer best of luck. Thanks for having me back.

00:49:24.197 --> 00:49:27.797
Yeah, we really enjoyed having you the first time and it was great to catch

00:49:27.797 --> 00:49:30.277
up with you and for you to tell us that we're normal.

00:49:32.057 --> 00:49:35.717
Well, she never said. And I'll be happy to come back anytime.

00:49:36.017 --> 00:49:41.097
All right, sounds good. Thanks a lot and we'll see you next time on the Balancing Act podcast.

00:49:44.389 --> 00:49:48.809
Look for the Balancing Act podcast every week on your favorite podcast platform.

00:49:49.089 --> 00:49:50.869
New episodes drop every teaser.