Work-Life Balance for Educators: Parenting Teens, Caregiving, and Managing It All

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Hey, everybody. Guess what? We're officially recording. We are?

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We are. We are. We are. We are. Yes. We are. Period.

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Hello, and welcome to the Bouncing Act Podcast. I'm Jamie Wonko, here with Mr.

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Joseph Vitale. How are we doing, friend? What's going on? How are you,

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Mr. Vitale? What's up? What's new? What's shaking? You know, nothing.

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I delivered a nice special package to you today. I gave you a nice case of raspberry

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Snapple iced tea, So it seems like you got a lot of energy in you today.

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So I think the caffeine has done its match. The caffeine is hitting me up,

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down, left, right, and all around the town.

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I hear you. Let me just say, I heart the dessert soda.

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Raspberry snapple okay listen first of all i'm just saying i should have diet snapple,

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oh but it's good you know it's not that bad it's

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come on it's hundreds and hundreds of calories but

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you know what it's sometimes in this world it's 150

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calories for a snapple like two servings in a bottle oh is

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that two servings that's why i have

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weight problems uh yeah i think i

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think i think i think i think i think hey you know what

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you know you know what doesn't have waiting problems if you

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were you wouldn't wait if you called our season

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three sponsor uh teacher's insurance plan you know

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it yeah they pick up right away yeah we do uh

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they do as a matter of fact so uh check out their

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website uh below for information and to get a

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quote when i say below i mean of course in our episode description teacher's

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insurance plan auto insurance that brings exclusive educator

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savings and exceptional customer care to new jersey and

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pennsylvania educational employees and they are just

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a delight uh to talk to very much

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so um so we do have some sad news to start with um for those of you that you

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know that know me that uh that also make fun of me um the prius has finally

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met its match uh my little fuel economic sexy vehicle.

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Has met its end.

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It had too many failure messages on the old battery. So it is now gone and is

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off to greener pastures.

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Hopefully it's at some parking lot upstate being able to frolic and roam free.

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But she was a good vehicle that served us very well. It's kind of sad to see

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it go. You know what I mean? Like driving away up the street. You know?

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Did it have to get towed away Or was it driven away No it was still running Oh,

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I was just very concerned about, you know, we were getting, like,

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battery failure messages.

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The safety of, you know. Yeah, the safety of it and the fact that,

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like, it was the daughter, the vehicle that my daughter was driving around.

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And, God forbid, you know, I didn't want anything to happen.

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So, you know, I also didn't want to put any money, any more money into a very,

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very old vehicle. So, it was time for it to go.

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Yeah. Yeah. You know, a sad day was had. A little tear was shed,

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you know. And what's replacing the Prius?

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My daughter, we are leasing her a little Nissan for her to drive around in.

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She's like, beep, beep, toot, toot. Yeah. So, you know, it's good.

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What color is it? That's all I care about. It is white.

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Oh, that was the Prius was white. Yes, it was. Like a little sneaker.

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Yeah, like a little sneaker. Everybody has a white vehicle except for me.

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I have the silver Jeep, but everybody else has a white vehicle.

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I do have like a bit of regret about my car not being white because I got gray, like a dark, dark, dark.

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I like your color. I actually. I do.

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The color that I like for the Jeep was what I was looking for was like that

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darker color gray. But in the model I was looking at, they didn't have it.

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They didn't make it. That's why I got this. You want to know something else

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that died this week? What else? Okay. Your patience?

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Well, that was gone a long time ago. Listen, we're getting close to spring break,

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folks. It's all bets are off. It's crazy.

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So, no, but I... So, when I moved into my classroom four years ago,

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I received, like, on the shelf was a pencil sharpener.

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Okay. And it...

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Just was the longest running pencil sharpener I have ever had over my entire career.

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Electric pencil sharpener. You had an electric pencil sharpener that lasted

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for that long? That's ridiculous.

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I was like, you can do magic. I really thought that it was a greater being than

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anything I've ever known.

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And I would have kids come from other classrooms to use it. I mean,

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it was used, used, used and teacher. Oh, no, no, no.

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Yeah. We put colored pencils in it, too. Oh, my God. No, I have a sign.

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I have a sign on the wall. No colored pencils? That says no colored pencils.

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I actually, I say like, I tell kids like if they do certain things that I will,

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I will place a curse upon them.

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Like anytime they go to bite into a chocolate chip cookie, it turns into an

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oatmeal raisin. Or like you go trick or treating and all you get are dots.

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And oh my goodness dots are great I gave dots away in a candy bowl challenge

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this week and they were fighting over the dots so I don't know what you're saying but okay.

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It's like, do they eat crayons for the flavor? Like, what is going on?

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Like, that's, that's, let me tell you something.

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It was a hot commodity. Yeah, no matter how many times you turn the pillow over,

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you never get the cold side.

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Like, this is what happens if you put colored pencils in my pencil sharpener.

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Well, this unicorn took colored pencils for four years.

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That is insane. Hundreds of thousands of, and last week, I noticed a little,

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like the sound was a little off and I've always been very sensitive to like

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certain sounds like things that like greet my, you know, central nervous system to shreds.

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And I said, Oh no, that doesn't sound good.

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And the sound got worse and louder.

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And I, I had to.

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Would you do like viking funeral where you put it on like a

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little a little raft and like shot it out i did

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throw it away and then one of the kids was like not to over dramatize it or

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anything you're doing something really funny which you're playing taps and i

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know my daughter won't listen to this episode but i'm going to mention it so

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there's one time my daughter confused the song taps with the song that they

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play to post uh at the kentucky derby when the horses come up.

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So my daughter thinks that that was taps, but like, when I taught sixth grade

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social studies, we did a whole entire lesson on taps.

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Most people don't know it has lyrics.

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It does. And then we just did like all Civil War music.

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And I remember that. I remember that. Like a fun, fancy, you know,

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Johnny comes marching home again. Hurrah.

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Yeah. So so I did, you know, performatively.

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And then one student as they as what I always my response is,

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if I'm in the middle of a song, excuse me, if they you know,

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because they want to interrupt everything.

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I say, excuse me, I'm not finished.

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I love their faces because then they're like, yeah.

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I'm sorry. Yeah. Put the jokes on them because I ain't never finished.

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Yeah, exactly. You're always, there's always some kind of performance.

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I'm going to use my jazz hands. Oh, my goodness. Wait till you see my jazz jacket.

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My jazz jacket. There's a jazz jacket? My jazz jacket is going to be featured

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in a Vitaly Wonko dance-off. Oh.

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So look to the interwebs because this is coming, people.

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I was going to bring it the other day and I forgot. but my

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jazz jacket is it's something else it

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is just can't be described in words you have to see

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it's a visual item you really got to get you know i should find the

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old windbreaker i have that my dad still wears because we

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call we we affectionately call my dad bernie because

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for a long time my dad like weekend at oh yeah

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my dad looked like bernie from weekend at bernie's like and

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then when i explained to him that there is it there's a dance called

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the bernie and the kids were doing it at like an eighth grade dance one year

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he thought that was the funniest thing ever which shout out to my my

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good buddy chris my god daughter's uh my god

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daughter's uh father my god daughter who that

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is uh that is absolutely his that's his

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favorite movie and anytime we get together he makes me watch it it's a classic

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it is a classic yeah so the second one is where he comes back from like he gets

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like possessed in like jamaica and he like oh dances that it's like a dance

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that the kids would do but we call my dad bernie because he wears this jacket

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and he looks like Bernie from Weekend at Bernie's,

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complete with the mustache and the sunglasses, the whole deal.

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Like, that was his look. You leave him alone. Oh, come on. We love pops.

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For sure. Yeah. So what's new in your world there, Ms. Wonko?

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What's been going on lately?

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You know, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. Yeah.

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I wanted to, you know, we're looking at a little catch up here. Yeah.

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Among us, among our private lives here. But I wanted to do a little catch up

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with the college situation.

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Because we did say that we were going to, you know, once we know.

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And by this point, you would think everybody would know. But no, they do not know.

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They do not. And I have to tell you, I was feeling horrible,

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awful, just pits about the fact that my senior still does not know what he's

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going to do or where, you know, where he's going to go.

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Well, he knows what he wants to major in. Maybe.

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Yeah. Yes, he does. He does.

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A general area. As much as any, you know, as people say, as much as any 18-year-old

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can know. I mean, I did. But, like, you know, a lot of people don't, right?

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So, but I talked to somebody at work today. You know, sometimes you just think,

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gosh, like I really am in a terrible situation.

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And then you talk to someone else and so I talked to somebody that we work with today.

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We're down to two schools, really, you know, in this like 50-50 situation.

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And her daughter is still having three.

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Oh, yeah. And I thought if I think it's the person that we're talking about.

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And they're still traveling to see.

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They're still traveling. These are not close schools. These are these are places.

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These are flying places.

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East coast. They're airplane school. They're airplane school. Yeah. Yeah.

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Yeah. So I don't think that she's the only one either, because I was talking

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to do some tutoring outside of here. I was talking to one of the parents of the kids that I tutor.

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And, you know, my kids have landed on a school, which, you know,

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not releasing yet. Right. Because we could do a big reveal. Yes.

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When we have all the things ready.

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And they were like, oh, yeah, my one of my coworkers going through this and it's maddening.

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Like there's some kids that are just like, right decision.

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What am I doing? Is this is there's a lot of that.

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And I get it because it's a big decision. Right.

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Like your son, I know, is very, very analytical.

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Right. He looks things over and once, twice, and thrice, and he's looking over

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everything and he's double-checking.

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Is this the right decision? Do I want to go here?

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What's the cost involved? I don't know.

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Dorms. I'm sure there's a lot of that that goes on with it. So much. Yeah. Yeah.

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So, yeah, that's got to be, it definitely is a stressful time.

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I know. I said to him the other day, you know, here's what I think we're going

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to do. we're gonna re we're gonna you're gonna revisit one more school.

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Go back. I think that's a great idea. Yeah, it happened to be the first school

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that he had ever visited.

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And I said, you know, after now that you visited so many of them and that was

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the first one, maybe you're going to look at it with a different lens than you did the first time.

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And we also went there in the summer.

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So it was, you know, it's not always reflective of the school if you go at an

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off time when there's not actual kids like mulling around and, you know, hanging out.

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100%. Right. Yep. So I said, you know, and then we're going to sit down and

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we're going to do like just the good old fashioned pro con for the final two.

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And we're going to figure out, you know, what we think is really going to be

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like where you think you're going to be the happiest.

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And, you know, money obviously is like such a big part of the decision,

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but none of them are quadruple the price of another.

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You know, they're all relatively like within.

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I mean, so it's like, okay, this one is $10,000 less than the other one.

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Is that a lot of money? Yes.

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You know, so I don't want to sound flippant about that because it is a lot.

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But at the same time, you know, I'm have to, I know I was trying to be the stand

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back, sort of do your own thing, make your own decision.

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And I do think that it is just he really does need some some more like very,

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very specific parameters about what my belief or opinion or position is,

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what my husband's belief, opinion or position is.

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And then he's got to I feel like at some point you have to trust your gut and go with it.

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Yeah. You know, I know what that feels like. Yeah. It's an adult decision.

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Right. I mean, we go back to the car thing. Right. We were talking to my daughter

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about the car. Like, here's what we'll do.

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And like, we're going to do this. We're going to look at that And like here

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Like what you know How much do you think You could pay With what you're working

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This summer What you had last summer Looking at her numbers Because like.

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You know, we, she's contributing, but like, you know, we're her mom and dad,

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we want to help, uh, and, and, you know, make sure that she has something that's

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reliable. But even that was like a stressful, Oh, I don't know.

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Like, I don't know how many hours I'm going to have this summer.

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And then like this thing and then this trip and that I'm like,

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okay, like, even until like, that's an adult decision.

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And I think that certain kids are kids, right.

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Struggle with that, like ability to

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make those adult decisions because they they're so

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big and so grand but of course when they look

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back at it in 10 years in 15 years they're going to realize oh why did they

00:14:58.619 --> 00:15:01.679
make such a big deal out about about that you know what i mean like or maybe

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they're going to look back and say wow i really like good for me to be so yeah

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or that too yeah yeah i you know who knows i i said to him the other day and

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this is something i kind of have really been thinking about a lot,

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said to me the other day, you know, what you have to remember about choosing

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a college is that once you go, so many of the people that are there like really want to be there.

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And, you know, for some of them, it was their backup school.

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For some of them, it was their reach school.

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You know, for some of them, it was their dream school. For some of them,

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it was like, this is the only place I can afford, you know.

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So there's going to be, but at the end of the day, like you all sort of end

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up in this spot and you realize like mostly everybody is really excited about

00:15:51.740 --> 00:15:55.380
the new adventure and the way, you know, where their life has led them.

00:15:55.380 --> 00:15:58.420
And you know and i said more people stay

00:15:58.420 --> 00:16:01.420
and are excited to be there than leave and realize like

00:16:01.420 --> 00:16:04.720
oh this isn't you know it's majority stay and are happy and

00:16:04.720 --> 00:16:08.320
there are people that that leave you know there are but it's not you know some

00:16:08.320 --> 00:16:13.100
of us get mono some of us get mono from cows but most of them i think really

00:16:13.100 --> 00:16:18.400
do yeah you would know but most of them i think do stay and they do really like

00:16:18.400 --> 00:16:21.840
look around and say like gosh i'm so happy and lucky to be here and they really

00:16:21.840 --> 00:16:24.120
make the best of like their new adventure.

00:16:24.620 --> 00:16:28.860
So I said, don't forget that part, you know, because right now,

00:16:28.860 --> 00:16:33.600
and I really believe this to be true, like right now there is a lot of.

00:16:35.740 --> 00:16:40.720
The part about it that I really hate is like the adult flex of like saying where

00:16:40.720 --> 00:16:43.580
your child is going or for the kids,

00:16:43.760 --> 00:16:48.280
it's like wearing a sweatshirt to sort of like boast or what,

00:16:48.340 --> 00:16:50.740
you know, and not that there's not a sense of pride in that,

00:16:50.860 --> 00:16:54.060
but there is a little bit of like that braggy nature of like,

00:16:54.380 --> 00:16:57.260
even with social media and the little squares and the pictures and where they're

00:16:57.260 --> 00:17:00.800
going and the declaration, you know, all of those things, which I do find exciting

00:17:00.800 --> 00:17:03.400
in their own right. It's just the bed parties.

00:17:03.860 --> 00:17:10.960
Oh no. Yeah. I'm, I'm anti the bed party, but also, um, you know,

00:17:11.040 --> 00:17:13.300
I can see why you'd want to do the bed party.

00:17:13.960 --> 00:17:18.000
I also see why the bed party doesn't work out very well.

00:17:18.340 --> 00:17:24.040
Uh, if you are, I don't know, I guess just because I'm sort of – there's like

00:17:24.040 --> 00:17:29.160
some part of me too, especially with teenagers, that I'm still just so skeptical

00:17:29.160 --> 00:17:31.680
about social media in so many ways that –.

00:17:33.178 --> 00:17:36.518
Yeah, I don't know. It's like I do and I don't.

00:17:36.658 --> 00:17:40.138
But I mean, yeah, I guess like YOLO and do whatever you need to do with your

00:17:40.138 --> 00:17:44.558
bed, you know, colors and snacks and stuff. Yeah, for us, right?

00:17:44.778 --> 00:17:50.118
When we went to college back in my day.

00:17:50.918 --> 00:17:55.798
All the way back then. Yeah, like you put the sticker on the back of your windshield of the car.

00:17:56.078 --> 00:17:58.438
Like that was it. Like you were like, oh, this is where I'm going to go.

00:17:58.538 --> 00:18:01.638
I remember like I had this sticker that went on the back windshield.

00:18:02.498 --> 00:18:05.798
That was it. Like that was it. Like you didn't do all of these things.

00:18:05.958 --> 00:18:09.118
So you're right. That is more of a societal thing. yeah

00:18:09.118 --> 00:18:11.798
and you know we said to the kids oh do you want to

00:18:11.798 --> 00:18:14.638
do one of those things and their response was like i kind of want other

00:18:14.638 --> 00:18:17.358
people to do it before we do it like they want

00:18:17.358 --> 00:18:20.358
more people to like post their picture on like the school where

00:18:20.358 --> 00:18:24.098
oh yeah and i do i do like like enjoy looking at like some of the students that

00:18:24.098 --> 00:18:28.878
i had from years ago who happened to go to our kids high school so i like know

00:18:28.878 --> 00:18:32.698
some of them and i feel like this might be i only have a couple more years left

00:18:32.698 --> 00:18:38.638
where i like where that overlap will happen and then i won't know any of them anymore But the gosh,

00:18:38.758 --> 00:18:42.058
I'm thinking of the window clang and I'm realizing like I didn't have one for

00:18:42.058 --> 00:18:45.658
school, but I had one for my sorority that I remember very distinctly.

00:18:45.818 --> 00:18:46.918
And I had one of those windshield.

00:18:47.278 --> 00:18:50.538
Yeah. Not for your sorority, but for my fraternity. You might have.

00:18:50.658 --> 00:18:54.838
I mean, we were a cute crew. So maybe you did put Delta Vi Epsilon on your back windshield.

00:18:56.118 --> 00:19:03.558
I did not. My Phi Sigma Sigma wife might have a little bit of a problem with that. So back in the day.

00:19:04.538 --> 00:19:09.838
So, but yeah. You were in a fraternity? I was, yeah. And she was in a sorority?

00:19:10.058 --> 00:19:14.398
Yeah, she was. And you would mix together? Um, we...

00:19:15.687 --> 00:19:19.047
Yeah, we did, but we weren't, like, our fraternity wasn't very big,

00:19:19.047 --> 00:19:24.287
and we actually wound up merging with another fraternity as well because we

00:19:24.287 --> 00:19:27.827
were about to be, like, done to, like, continue ours.

00:19:28.207 --> 00:19:31.607
Right. You know, we had to, like, make some decisions. So we were very small.

00:19:32.147 --> 00:19:35.327
Okay. Which we did. Let me tell you. And there was some growth involved.

00:19:35.327 --> 00:19:38.967
And I enjoyed it, but I was more of the guy, like, you know,

00:19:39.147 --> 00:19:41.167
I was president for a little while.

00:19:41.167 --> 00:19:46.867
I was involved in like, I probably did more after graduation with my fraternity

00:19:46.867 --> 00:19:50.207
than I did during school because I started, you know, going to the national

00:19:50.207 --> 00:19:53.167
conferences and doing some volunteer work and stuff like that, which I enjoyed.

00:19:53.627 --> 00:20:00.267
So I did that, too. But I'm going to tell you the story as the best of the best party I ever went to.

00:20:00.607 --> 00:20:03.767
Oh, OK. Do you have like a best college party story ever?

00:20:04.727 --> 00:20:07.747
Do I have like a best college party ever story?

00:20:09.627 --> 00:20:12.627
Um because it this remains the best party

00:20:12.627 --> 00:20:15.467
i think i've ever been to in my life yeah i think other than

00:20:15.467 --> 00:20:19.227
my wedding i mean if your wedding can be considered a party yeah i have okay

00:20:19.227 --> 00:20:24.247
ready you want to hear it yeah sure sure let's take you back all the way back

00:20:24.247 --> 00:20:34.787
yeah all the way back to the spring of 1998 wayne's world in the house it was a fraternity house.

00:20:36.527 --> 00:20:41.727
In the really beautiful, beautiful, sprawling neighborhood of Elizabeth, New Jersey.

00:20:41.827 --> 00:20:45.407
Now, if you've never been to Elizabeth, New Jersey, you know the mansions and

00:20:45.407 --> 00:20:47.447
homes that you can find there.

00:20:47.547 --> 00:20:51.787
But it was, maybe it was hillside, either way. Okay.

00:20:51.967 --> 00:20:56.107
So it was a house that a bunch of, bunch of, bunch of boys were renting.

00:20:56.567 --> 00:21:00.587
But what they had done was they had designed an around the world party.

00:21:00.587 --> 00:21:08.127
And every single room in the entire house had a different theme. And every single,

00:21:09.205 --> 00:21:11.685
You should be impressed. You should look more impressed than you.

00:21:11.685 --> 00:21:12.625
I'm very, I'm listening.

00:21:12.865 --> 00:21:17.325
I'm very impressed. Every single room had a different theme and there was a drink themed.

00:21:17.605 --> 00:21:21.825
Oh, that's good. To that part of the world. The music, the lighting,

00:21:22.285 --> 00:21:23.385
the way they were dressed.

00:21:23.645 --> 00:21:28.245
And you went from room to room to room to room to room and were completely and

00:21:28.245 --> 00:21:30.645
totally immersed in a different part of the world.

00:21:30.645 --> 00:21:32.925
And what I will say is like what

00:21:32.925 --> 00:21:39.645
a standout moment was they had put like screwdrivers in super soakers.

00:21:40.794 --> 00:21:44.734
And it was like every last detail.

00:21:45.054 --> 00:21:48.774
But it was when I think about it, I'm like, gosh, I can't believe like that I was so young.

00:21:48.894 --> 00:21:51.994
And that was like, you know, all those years later, I still there was never

00:21:51.994 --> 00:21:56.134
a party that they really, really, really, really went into it.

00:21:56.134 --> 00:22:00.734
But I will also say this about my sorority, which is still something that I'm very, very proud of.

00:22:00.974 --> 00:22:06.794
Considering the date, time, like how long ago it was, it was a very serious job.

00:22:06.994 --> 00:22:12.694
There was someone whose position it was, and they would set up,

00:22:12.814 --> 00:22:17.314
especially because like we had a lot of us, like if people lived off campus, people drove.

00:22:18.074 --> 00:22:23.634
And so it was someone's job to organize all of the designated drivers and who

00:22:23.634 --> 00:22:29.094
was going to be in which car. And that was something that everyone took so seriously.

00:22:29.954 --> 00:22:35.034
And yeah, and I still, you know, such an important thing to do and to tell the

00:22:35.034 --> 00:22:37.074
kids that they, you know, everybody's got to have a turn.

00:22:37.354 --> 00:22:40.974
I am very happy that there was no social media because I'm sure,

00:22:41.214 --> 00:22:46.594
and I did not attend these, but there were many a mixer theme that I was like,

00:22:46.734 --> 00:22:49.694
I don't necessarily know if that's the good idea. I stayed away from those.

00:22:50.054 --> 00:22:54.134
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00:24:24.478 --> 00:24:28.278
Because it's not things that I want to be associated with. And again,

00:24:28.378 --> 00:24:32.738
not that I didn't enjoy myself, but we had, you know, the same types of things

00:24:32.738 --> 00:24:33.938
that you were doing. Yeah.

00:24:34.438 --> 00:24:39.858
Did your school have sororities and fraternities by like race or culture?

00:24:40.878 --> 00:24:45.518
We did have some ethnic ones, yes. Right. Because I remember like we would mix

00:24:45.518 --> 00:24:49.998
like our favorite mixers were with like the Latino fraternities.

00:24:50.398 --> 00:24:54.398
They were like the best. We would just like dance, dance, dance,

00:24:54.598 --> 00:24:55.518
dance, dance, dance, dance.

00:24:55.798 --> 00:24:58.358
But I was always one of the, you know, you kind of don't know,

00:24:58.458 --> 00:24:59.998
like, is this something that happens all over?

00:25:00.458 --> 00:25:03.798
Is it like designated to like the school that I attend?

00:25:03.978 --> 00:25:07.918
Not that people didn't like sort of interlope in and out of different fraternities

00:25:07.918 --> 00:25:09.158
or sororities in that way.

00:25:09.298 --> 00:25:12.758
But I don't know. What do you think? Do you think your kids are going to do?

00:25:14.049 --> 00:25:17.709
Um i don't think greek life is for them i

00:25:17.709 --> 00:25:20.549
don't i don't necessarily know um i wonder

00:25:20.549 --> 00:25:23.389
what it looks like now there's got to be different like it's

00:25:23.389 --> 00:25:28.769
a lot it's a lot different yeah um just just from some of the the research and

00:25:28.769 --> 00:25:32.929
things that i've looked at um in the past you've looked at research about fraternities

00:25:32.929 --> 00:25:37.629
just from recently changing no not recently but just like the changing the changing

00:25:37.629 --> 00:25:42.109
face of it back in the in the early 2000s where like you know you were getting insurance.

00:25:43.329 --> 00:25:48.789
You know dues went up to be a lot more very expensive yeah because there were

00:25:48.789 --> 00:25:53.409
you know there was liability insurance that fraternities were getting due to the fact that there was,

00:25:53.949 --> 00:26:01.389
hazing drinking a lot of that so that was that was of course an expense there are,

00:26:02.508 --> 00:26:08.468
Like it's not really ingrained as much in East Coast schools as it is.

00:26:08.688 --> 00:26:11.928
I mean, there's no secret that my kids are going to go to a school on the East Coast.

00:26:12.048 --> 00:26:17.488
But I don't think Greek life is as prevalent in East Coast schools as it is

00:26:17.488 --> 00:26:19.848
like in schools down south or, you know,

00:26:19.968 --> 00:26:24.928
the rush that you see that's, you know, hyped on social media and the dances

00:26:24.928 --> 00:26:27.108
and the outfits and all the things. Right.

00:26:27.648 --> 00:26:30.248
I will say. Certain bigger schools.

00:26:31.048 --> 00:26:35.688
Yeah. You can find me in August just on Rush Talk.

00:26:36.148 --> 00:26:40.508
Just scrolling and scrolling and scrolling and scrolling. I don't think that

00:26:40.508 --> 00:26:42.508
Greek life is the same as it used to be.

00:26:42.908 --> 00:26:45.448
Yeah, and it definitely depends on the school.

00:26:45.948 --> 00:26:49.628
Yeah. I think that a lot of schools, there was a larger crackdown of like,

00:26:50.248 --> 00:26:52.448
quote unquote, getting rid of bad apples.

00:26:52.908 --> 00:26:56.948
We dealt a lot with that from the national fraternity level when I was doing

00:26:56.948 --> 00:26:59.488
my volunteer stuff. Panhellenic.

00:27:00.008 --> 00:27:03.368
Yeah. Yeah. So I did a lot of stuff in working.

00:27:04.488 --> 00:27:07.908
And there are some fraternities that are still expanding and growing,

00:27:08.128 --> 00:27:15.068
but there are others that are not because I don't think a lot of schools,

00:27:15.088 --> 00:27:19.508
it's not as much of a draw to go to a school unless you're going to those schools

00:27:19.508 --> 00:27:23.028
in the South and your parents went there and it's like a legacy type of thing.

00:27:23.028 --> 00:27:28.188
I also like I know my my my son's personality is much more reserved and my daughter

00:27:28.188 --> 00:27:32.168
might be more involved in like student government than or like,

00:27:32.268 --> 00:27:35.488
you know, like the student activities board, things like that.

00:27:35.688 --> 00:27:38.708
That's something she might want to get involved. I could see that for her. Definitely.

00:27:39.268 --> 00:27:41.248
Yeah. Yeah, I could see that. Yeah. So.

00:27:42.730 --> 00:27:48.250
And we're still, so obviously results pending, right? And we won't make our

00:27:48.250 --> 00:27:50.150
big announcement just yet. Yeah.

00:27:50.530 --> 00:27:54.670
Well, either way, like the clock is ticking, right? Because it's got to be May 1st.

00:27:54.830 --> 00:27:59.230
Like the decision has to be made by then. I mean, calendar-wise for everybody.

00:27:59.790 --> 00:28:03.210
Calendar-wise for everybody. Yeah. So, you know, this is going out,

00:28:03.230 --> 00:28:06.110
you know, just at the end of March, beginning of April.

00:28:06.350 --> 00:28:11.050
So within a month, everybody's going to know because Because everybody has to

00:28:11.050 --> 00:28:15.190
know, right, if you're going to make that decision and depending on where you're going to go.

00:28:15.750 --> 00:28:19.710
So it's very exciting. Yeah, it is. It's very. It's very. It's very.

00:28:20.050 --> 00:28:23.610
I have to tell you, there's been several times in the last couple of weeks where

00:28:23.610 --> 00:28:29.530
I've thought, gee, this would be really nice if this was the only stressful thing in my life. Yeah.

00:28:31.610 --> 00:28:36.550
I would love that. Yeah. It would be so nice if all I had to think about was

00:28:36.550 --> 00:28:41.490
buying eighth grade dance dresses and where he's going to college, right?

00:28:41.710 --> 00:28:46.990
A lot of things going on behind the scenes, you know, behind the Wizard of Oz

00:28:46.990 --> 00:28:49.350
curtain in the Life of the Balancing Act.

00:28:50.470 --> 00:28:55.250
How are you balancing it? Nobody knows. For one particular host more than the other.

00:28:56.590 --> 00:29:01.310
She would be me. I am she. Yeah, she is she. You know, my dad has had some health

00:29:01.310 --> 00:29:03.450
issues and some surgeries recently. Things are well.

00:29:04.630 --> 00:29:10.110
I've had a little bit of a black cloud over some, you know, friends of mine

00:29:10.110 --> 00:29:13.270
experiencing some loss, which has been a little a little bit difficult.

00:29:13.530 --> 00:29:17.850
But, you know, you've always talked about you don't want to compare traumas,

00:29:17.950 --> 00:29:19.910
but like the things like I am worried.

00:29:20.522 --> 00:29:24.182
About you and for you for many of the things that you are going through,

00:29:24.482 --> 00:29:26.882
you and your family for that for that sake.

00:29:27.502 --> 00:29:34.602
Thank you. I would like to not what I would like is one whole month where like nothing happens.

00:29:36.002 --> 00:29:38.882
I would I would like that. But that's not life. Right.

00:29:39.022 --> 00:29:44.962
So, like, that's not really how things go. But I also am, you know,

00:29:45.162 --> 00:29:50.462
always trying to be grateful for some cool, like the experiences.

00:29:50.722 --> 00:29:59.622
And also, I think I've gotten really like scary good at compartmentalizing like

00:29:59.622 --> 00:30:00.642
things that are happening.

00:30:01.042 --> 00:30:07.302
So I just actually had a talk with my dad right before we hopped on here today.

00:30:07.302 --> 00:30:10.742
And i said to him like i'm basically um

00:30:10.742 --> 00:30:13.482
i'm at tara and it's gone with the wind and it was like i'll think

00:30:13.482 --> 00:30:16.762
about that tomorrow like i was like i just can't you know

00:30:16.762 --> 00:30:20.342
but and by tomorrow i mean like in an hour when i'm done recording the podcast

00:30:20.342 --> 00:30:25.122
you know there's just so many things um but i i do want to say one thing like

00:30:25.122 --> 00:30:30.222
and not um because because jason's parents situation is like his own story so

00:30:30.222 --> 00:30:34.342
i won't really share that here um even though we've had some difficulties um

00:30:34.342 --> 00:30:36.162
from the Wonko side of our family.

00:30:36.282 --> 00:30:39.042
But here is something that I will find that I'm going to say,

00:30:39.202 --> 00:30:42.382
basically, because we have talked about my mom before, like being sick and having

00:30:42.382 --> 00:30:43.522
a very long term illness.

00:30:43.902 --> 00:30:49.502
And there are some things that are fascinating to me about someone that has

00:30:49.502 --> 00:30:55.562
a long term illness or people's like interest or lack thereof in when someone

00:30:55.562 --> 00:30:57.862
has a long, long standing illness,

00:30:58.362 --> 00:31:00.842
a debilitating disease, degenerative.

00:31:01.362 --> 00:31:04.922
No, she can't get better. No, it won't get better. Yes, it will only get worse.

00:31:07.182 --> 00:31:11.022
I've had people say this to me. I've had them say it to my husband,

00:31:11.342 --> 00:31:14.642
like other members of my family. Like, oh, is that still going on?

00:31:18.910 --> 00:31:21.650
And i know i know because it's

00:31:21.650 --> 00:31:24.870
ridiculous everybody i just want to make this announcement someone

00:31:24.870 --> 00:31:28.350
just said that's my husband last week at work about my mom oh is that still

00:31:28.350 --> 00:31:33.070
going on when i laugh because it's my delivery i get it it's no but it's also

00:31:33.070 --> 00:31:36.810
but it's also out of like being uncomfortable because i don't know what to say

00:31:36.810 --> 00:31:42.470
like it's like it's it's so uh you know Reductio ad absurdum.

00:31:42.650 --> 00:31:46.610
Like, it's just absolutely an absurd, flawed logic to think that way.

00:31:46.730 --> 00:31:51.710
Yes, except that it is pretty common. And I just think that it does speak to

00:31:51.710 --> 00:32:00.570
how uncomfortable people are with their feelings, with understanding struggle, with empathy.

00:32:01.550 --> 00:32:06.130
And I hope I still have it. I actually want to read something because we have

00:32:06.130 --> 00:32:09.850
a good friend of the pod and a wonderful supporter,

00:32:10.150 --> 00:32:19.210
listener, who wrote to me last week, and I told her that.

00:32:21.126 --> 00:32:26.466
I will. It doesn't matter how old I get and God willing, it'll be, you know, a long time.

00:32:26.626 --> 00:32:31.126
I will always remember her words like at this time and in this moment.

00:32:32.106 --> 00:32:37.806
And she said, I think it's a societal thing where we're trained to move off of grief.

00:32:38.066 --> 00:32:41.806
Now I'm reading from her message to move off of grief or sadness very quickly.

00:32:41.926 --> 00:32:44.946
We recognize that people are going through something and we keep moving.

00:32:45.006 --> 00:32:49.386
But there are people who realize that this is a very long road and it's not just a sad moment.

00:32:49.386 --> 00:32:52.126
Those people do exist the ones who don't get

00:32:52.126 --> 00:32:55.186
it just don't get it and maybe they'll eventually

00:32:55.186 --> 00:32:58.566
learn like with their

00:32:58.566 --> 00:33:03.526
own issue or my issue or your you know or or hope or maybe they'll never understand

00:33:03.526 --> 00:33:11.146
right um and it was just it was so important to me to hear that and and to have

00:33:11.146 --> 00:33:16.586
someone share in that and she's going through a very similar struggle with an ailing parent as well.

00:33:16.966 --> 00:33:25.446
And when people make certain decisions, you say, I'm going to do this or I'm

00:33:25.446 --> 00:33:28.566
going to do that. And you just sort of.

00:33:29.858 --> 00:33:33.158
Hope that you're doing the right thing or the best thing.

00:33:33.558 --> 00:33:38.658
And one thing, and I just said it to my dad today, and it is something that

00:33:38.658 --> 00:33:44.098
I have said to him throughout this journey because it's been my son's entire high school career.

00:33:44.318 --> 00:33:48.338
My mom has been ill his entire four years of being in high school.

00:33:48.458 --> 00:33:53.698
So she has been completely bed-bound, unable to walk, unable to bathroom,

00:33:53.898 --> 00:33:56.518
unable to feed herself, unable to brush her own teeth.

00:33:56.518 --> 00:34:04.018
She has needed 24-hour care, to which my father has dedicated every minute of his life to doing.

00:34:04.178 --> 00:34:12.418
And he has done it impeccably with grace and with devotion and,

00:34:12.518 --> 00:34:18.538
I mean, a meticulous nature that the most highly trained people could not rock

00:34:18.538 --> 00:34:20.838
a diaper, met a honey, change,

00:34:21.358 --> 00:34:26.818
wound care like my father, who was a principal and had nothing to do with anything medical, right?

00:34:28.798 --> 00:34:33.598
But the idea of like the length of time, you know, and which is always wild, right?

00:34:33.698 --> 00:34:37.098
Like of how quickly sometimes time goes or how slowly it goes.

00:34:37.958 --> 00:34:41.678
But the, you know, people who have reached out and the people who,

00:34:41.918 --> 00:34:48.198
you know, are balancing situations like this and, you know, and people have

00:34:48.198 --> 00:34:51.518
said like, well, how do you do that? And I think like, how does anybody do anything?

00:34:52.438 --> 00:34:57.878
Yeah. You know, some people do it selfishly, and they don't do it or face it at all.

00:34:58.058 --> 00:35:04.718
And some people do it with, you know, an open heart, mind, and do as best as they can, right?

00:35:04.878 --> 00:35:07.858
And so for a lot of us, it's like we're just doing our best.

00:35:09.358 --> 00:35:14.318
And I have to say, you know, for as much as we say about the kids of,

00:35:14.518 --> 00:35:15.878
oh, I know what I was going to say.

00:35:16.058 --> 00:35:18.538
I said to my dad, and it's something I say over and over again.

00:35:19.442 --> 00:35:22.922
She is my mother, but I'm three people's mother.

00:35:23.722 --> 00:35:29.882
And so as much as I look and turn to her and do what I need to do as her child

00:35:29.882 --> 00:35:35.222
in devotion to her as my mother is as much as I need to do in devotion to the

00:35:35.222 --> 00:35:38.662
three children that I have that are looking at me as their mother,

00:35:38.902 --> 00:35:41.062
you know, looking to me, I should say.

00:35:41.062 --> 00:35:48.882
But, you know, I think everybody just does the best job that they can in the ways that they are able.

00:35:49.282 --> 00:35:52.462
And, you know, all of us are built a little bit differently.

00:35:52.842 --> 00:35:58.822
So it doesn't mean that, you know, one person is, you know, better or grand or anything like that.

00:35:59.002 --> 00:36:03.082
I sometimes worry about like the after effects for me because it's been such

00:36:03.082 --> 00:36:05.722
a forward motion of doing and doing and doing and doing.

00:36:06.482 --> 00:36:11.362
And I wonder sometimes like what that's going to look like because anticipatory

00:36:11.362 --> 00:36:15.982
grief is one thing and then there's grief, you know, which is a whole other

00:36:15.982 --> 00:36:20.602
situation to bear and to deal with. But, you know, I don't know.

00:36:21.142 --> 00:36:26.822
I've been really fascinated by the people on the Internet that are,

00:36:27.022 --> 00:36:29.202
you know, everybody, oh, social media, this, that and the other.

00:36:29.202 --> 00:36:36.402
But there have been so many caregiver stories and so many resources of people that I follow now.

00:36:37.442 --> 00:36:44.962
I follow a group of people that are caring for people who have the same disease

00:36:44.962 --> 00:36:48.602
that my mom has, which is parasypnuclear palsy, PSP.

00:36:49.862 --> 00:36:54.002
And that has been a wonderful resource. So one of the kids said to me,

00:36:54.102 --> 00:36:55.942
like, they were going to do something for debate club about,

00:36:55.962 --> 00:36:57.362
like, the effects of social media.

00:36:57.482 --> 00:37:01.582
And is all social media bad? I said, nothing is all bad. Nothing is all good.

00:37:01.842 --> 00:37:07.402
You know, there's, that's a big part of life, right? Of figuring out where the in-between is.

00:37:07.782 --> 00:37:12.222
And I guess that really does speak to our ability to balance, right?

00:37:12.682 --> 00:37:16.802
And finding that sort of, excuse me, finding that like middle ground. But,

00:37:17.444 --> 00:37:24.044
I was so grateful to her for reaching out and sharing some of her own struggles

00:37:24.044 --> 00:37:27.624
and, you know, and saying like, look,

00:37:27.884 --> 00:37:34.104
not everybody knows or it's maybe it's a greater societal issue of like how

00:37:34.104 --> 00:37:40.024
much people can express or handle, you know, rather than being angry that someone

00:37:40.024 --> 00:37:42.764
says like, is that still happening? Yeah.

00:37:43.684 --> 00:37:48.864
I think also, you know, you said about as much mothering as you're doing or

00:37:48.864 --> 00:37:52.464
as much as you're doing for your mom, you also have to do for your own children. Right.

00:37:52.864 --> 00:37:57.564
But what your own children are also seeing while they're watching you in this

00:37:57.564 --> 00:38:02.044
moment, they're learning about, you know, the family dynamic.

00:38:02.044 --> 00:38:04.884
They're learning about, you know, what a...

00:38:06.047 --> 00:38:12.207
A supportive marriage looks like, what a supportive child for their ailing parent looks like.

00:38:12.347 --> 00:38:16.567
They're learning all, like it's being soaked in, like they're looking and they're

00:38:16.567 --> 00:38:20.607
seeing and they're observing how you're handling these situations.

00:38:21.067 --> 00:38:25.867
And they're figuring out, I know, I know in your case, I'm not in,

00:38:26.107 --> 00:38:30.627
you know, I know in your case that they're soaking up all the good things that you were doing.

00:38:30.787 --> 00:38:33.627
They're not looking out of the sand. Oh, I wouldn't handle it that way like they're

00:38:33.627 --> 00:38:36.327
oh yeah yeah no i mean i mean more

00:38:36.327 --> 00:38:39.187
of like in like a perspective yeah no like in a

00:38:39.187 --> 00:38:44.947
protective lens like when it comes to the kids of like how much i you know try

00:38:44.947 --> 00:38:50.787
to divide my time between everybody but like recently my dad said to jason um

00:38:50.787 --> 00:38:53.807
which wasn't necessary but i'm

00:38:53.807 --> 00:38:58.647
i'm trying lately to find like to sort of fill my cup a little bit with.

00:38:59.967 --> 00:39:03.207
Saying when there's so much negativity in the world.

00:39:03.447 --> 00:39:08.587
I'm trying to say like and really genuinely recognize when something is good

00:39:08.587 --> 00:39:10.687
and positive and helpful.

00:39:11.027 --> 00:39:14.367
And instead of like talking about the things that are not working,

00:39:14.607 --> 00:39:18.667
I'm trying to really like put light on the things that are.

00:39:19.147 --> 00:39:25.167
And until my dad recently came to our house, which doesn't happen very often

00:39:25.167 --> 00:39:26.807
because he can't get away,

00:39:27.027 --> 00:39:38.007
but he said to Jason, I want to thank you for letting Jamie and always making it easy for her to,

00:39:38.847 --> 00:39:41.727
come to be with us. And,

00:39:42.417 --> 00:39:47.917
It would not be possible, like, me being away from my family as much as I have

00:39:47.917 --> 00:39:53.517
would not be possible if it wasn't for my husband doing everything while I wasn't here.

00:39:53.797 --> 00:39:57.337
Never saying, I can't believe you're leaving again, or where are you,

00:39:57.397 --> 00:40:02.257
or we need you, or, you know, every, or always saying, you're amazing.

00:40:02.657 --> 00:40:06.417
I don't know how you do this. You, you know, all of these, like,

00:40:06.617 --> 00:40:08.197
positive affirmations of things.

00:40:08.197 --> 00:40:12.997
And um you know and so it was like such a sweet moment to to know that like my dad.

00:40:13.717 --> 00:40:16.977
Was thanking my spouse for his role

00:40:16.977 --> 00:40:20.077
in our whole entire you

00:40:20.077 --> 00:40:24.417
know what has has become like such a big part of our lives for such a long time

00:40:24.417 --> 00:40:29.457
and you know and after a while um it does become a routine you know like in

00:40:29.457 --> 00:40:31.957
the beginning it's sort of like how am I gonna and then it's just like oh of

00:40:31.957 --> 00:40:35.477
course mom's not here it's Friday and Saturday like of course she's going and

00:40:35.477 --> 00:40:37.757
you know and we know where you are and what you're doing.

00:40:37.957 --> 00:40:41.557
And to the point where if I am home, they're like, what are you doing here?

00:40:41.757 --> 00:40:43.157
Like, why are you home today?

00:40:43.837 --> 00:40:49.157
You know, that kind of a thing. So I feel like I'm really proud of them.

00:40:49.757 --> 00:40:56.677
And I'm trying as best as I can to show like those levels of appreciation rather

00:40:56.677 --> 00:41:02.557
than, you know, people who didn't show up or never visited or any of those things.

00:41:02.557 --> 00:41:06.477
Like we did our little New Year's thing where we had our pieces of paper and

00:41:06.477 --> 00:41:07.697
we burned all the stuff. Yes.

00:41:07.997 --> 00:41:13.157
Mine was appreciation over criticism, right? I'm trying to focus on the same types of things.

00:41:13.297 --> 00:41:18.737
Yes. Not only in my personal life, but in my professional life as well.

00:41:18.877 --> 00:41:21.077
Trying to point out with like the students that are in my class,

00:41:21.137 --> 00:41:22.537
I'm like, hey, I appreciate you.

00:41:23.476 --> 00:41:31.636
Doing this, or it was very, you know, it was noticed by me that you, you know, did A, B, and C.

00:41:31.816 --> 00:41:35.036
Like, I try to focus on those things instead of focusing on,

00:41:35.356 --> 00:41:39.156
you know, the negative that happens, but that's a good perspective for you.

00:41:40.216 --> 00:41:43.916
You know, and, you know, you've talked often about your husband and,

00:41:44.016 --> 00:41:47.476
you know, how supportive he is, but, you know, at the same time,

00:41:47.676 --> 00:41:51.556
he, he knows how to throw in a well-timed fart joke to get you to,

00:41:51.556 --> 00:41:55.136
uh, to, to laugh and, and to smile.

00:41:55.496 --> 00:41:58.676
He knows how to diffuse my, like the minute I start to like,

00:41:59.496 --> 00:42:04.376
he will make a ridiculous statement. And then I'm just totally,

00:42:04.376 --> 00:42:08.356
we go back to the sand incident where it was like, Oh, that must've been awful for you.

00:42:08.496 --> 00:42:13.156
Like I've never, I've never witnessed a relationship in a boiled down moment

00:42:13.156 --> 00:42:16.276
ever before, which by the way has become like,

00:42:16.436 --> 00:42:19.156
it's like it's like a tagline in our house because we were

00:42:19.156 --> 00:42:21.836
all there for the story what i'm referring to it must have been awful for you

00:42:21.836 --> 00:42:24.776
very simply we were at the beach jamie was laying there and

00:42:24.776 --> 00:42:28.256
her nephew picked up the the like hood of her chair and got sand all over her

00:42:28.256 --> 00:42:31.636
and it was in her eyes and it was in her down in my ear it was in her ear it

00:42:31.636 --> 00:42:35.036
was in her mouth and she immediately got up and ran into the ocean and it was

00:42:35.036 --> 00:42:39.156
in like she literally jumped over her husband to get into the ocean and came

00:42:39.156 --> 00:42:42.456
back and jason was like oh where did you go and she was like jason.

00:42:43.821 --> 00:42:48.561
Oh my God, that's how I say it to you. Jason. Jason, didn't you see that I had

00:42:48.561 --> 00:42:52.761
sand and it was in my hair and it was in my ear and it was down my shirt and

00:42:52.761 --> 00:42:56.621
I had to go jump in the ocean. And he just went, oh my God, that must have been awful for you.

00:42:56.821 --> 00:43:00.421
And then you laughed exactly like you're laughing right now.

00:43:00.701 --> 00:43:05.081
And that moment, I literally said out loud, that's your marriage.

00:43:05.261 --> 00:43:08.821
Your marriage is literally that. it's like you basically

00:43:08.821 --> 00:43:11.881
on fire the dog on fire sitting at the table i'm

00:43:11.881 --> 00:43:15.721
fine this everything is fine and jason coming in and going like hey

00:43:15.721 --> 00:43:18.581
i guess it's not so bad i threw out your raspberry st huh and then like

00:43:18.581 --> 00:43:22.601
you would just move on your life and you're

00:43:22.601 --> 00:43:28.161
laughing because you know that i'm 100 you are you are as right as anyone has

00:43:28.161 --> 00:43:32.041
ever been ever in the world and that's where that's where i've been not in the

00:43:32.041 --> 00:43:35.001
same way but that's where i've been a lot with my wife recently like Like we've

00:43:35.001 --> 00:43:38.901
just been in this place where like we could just laugh about little things and

00:43:38.901 --> 00:43:41.581
be supportive of one another and just, you know.

00:43:42.701 --> 00:43:47.221
I mean, it's not a long haul. You know, I always say marriage is like for me,

00:43:47.661 --> 00:43:52.821
the person is witnessing your life and they are the witness to all of the good

00:43:52.821 --> 00:43:55.021
and all of the bad and everything in between.

00:43:55.521 --> 00:43:59.261
And, you know, some of the things I think that have happened to us in the last

00:43:59.261 --> 00:44:03.601
month or so, we we kind of we've said no one would believe this.

00:44:03.601 --> 00:44:08.701
Like I'm so no one would believe this I'm so glad you were here to see it so

00:44:08.701 --> 00:44:15.621
that I know that it happened and you know and then we all we also go and you know not to disclose,

00:44:16.101 --> 00:44:20.241
you know about you know certain details and stuff like that but I remember you

00:44:20.241 --> 00:44:25.101
saying to your husband like hey we did this for you yes like the kids did this

00:44:25.101 --> 00:44:27.161
for you my dad did this for you my

00:44:27.161 --> 00:44:32.461
like I did this for you my sister like everybody did this for you yes and.

00:44:33.775 --> 00:44:37.335
It's like one of those things like, yeah, I know he knows, but saying that in

00:44:37.335 --> 00:44:40.855
that moment is also important for somebody else to hear because,

00:44:40.895 --> 00:44:45.795
you know, my wife and I have had these conversations every once in a while, especially like,

00:44:46.215 --> 00:44:50.295
you know, I like I'm so supportive by what you do and and, you know,

00:44:50.375 --> 00:44:51.195
what you're going through.

00:44:51.455 --> 00:44:54.815
And, you know, it's it's that we're a team and it doesn't go unnoticed.

00:44:54.975 --> 00:44:58.115
Like, yeah, it might seem like, again, like placating statements,

00:44:58.275 --> 00:45:00.895
but they're important to say to your significant other.

00:45:00.975 --> 00:45:05.355
I mean, as the kids say, it's glazing. But no. No, it's not. It's not.

00:45:05.675 --> 00:45:09.095
Because people really do. We need to hear that. We need to hear it.

00:45:09.335 --> 00:45:10.715
You know what else we need to hear, Joe?

00:45:11.195 --> 00:45:14.475
What do we need to hear? What else do we need to hear? We need to hear about

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our Season 3 presenting sponsor and how awesome they are.

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new jersey and pennsylvania educational employees yes yes um well this was.

00:45:42.455 --> 00:45:47.855
Cathartic and i hope so yes it was thank you very much yeah uh we got some cool

00:45:47.855 --> 00:45:52.835
stuff coming up in future episodes uh coming up in the month of april um you

00:45:52.835 --> 00:45:52.835
know we're going to talk about.